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Jennifer
Jennifer, School Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 397
Experience:  Extensive experience fostering family relationships through consultation / counseling.
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hello, I have been married for 8 years now. been with my husband

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hello, I have been married for 8 years now. been with my husband nearly 10 years however. we are so incredibly different and that somehow used to work really well. i was the giver, him the taker. over the past 18 months, I feel like my happiness and my feelings have been completely overlooked by him. I always made sure to tell him everything I was feeling. Granted, I am not the best with words and often would sugar coat how I really felt because I couldn't bare hurting him. I have always put his needs and wants before my own. I found great happiness in seeing him happy that I often times would be unaware at how much I neglected my own feelings. Now, I'm to the point I can't pretend...I can't sugar coat. I'm unhappy beyond words and I feel like I can't give anymore. I have been EXTREMELY HONEST with him...he knows now. in the past he dismissed my feelings...now that i have told him i'm unhappy and i'm thinking of leaving...he is all the sudden SO VERY SORRY??? I don't know!
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Jennifer replied 4 years ago.
Hello and thanks for using Justanswer.com!

It sounds like you're not the only one interested in doing some changing. Would he be open to couples counseling? Would you? Marital counseling may be a safe place for you to share feelings with each other (even the brutally honest ones) and work toward a common goal as a couple with the guidance of a professional. It may also help you to see if he's capable of becoming the husband you need and whether this is a relationship worth staying in.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Yes, he is willing to do anything whatsoever. It actually angers me really. Because all this time of me trying to tell him what I need...and want...I seriously got nothing. I have told him I personally feel like I have done all that I can to be able to walk away and be okay. NOW...he wants his chance to do his share of all that he can. I'm spent...I feel like I'm just continuing on this cycle of "making him happy and forgetting about myself" We have 2 daughters. I don't even know how to tell them. They are 8 and 5. Once again, not thinking about me. I guess, therapy isn't really working bc I feel like I'm constantly having to change ME. Odd I tell ya! Come back from lunch today...and walk into my office and find a beautiful bouquet of flowers. Instead of being giddy...I get angry. I don't really know at what point to walk away. I wanted counseling months ago. I just get angry. I'm like how dare you care NOW...when you're 2 seconds from losing me.
Expert:  Jennifer replied 4 years ago.
He knows he's on the edge of losing you and is suddenly making the effort he should have made a long time ago. Is it too little too late? I can completely understand why this makes you angry. As if you weren't serious about what your feelings / needs were all of the other times you tried to make him understand. Think about this, though... Assuming he's a changed man and realizes he would need to continue to be this attentive and giving for the rest of your life together... Would you want that? If you left, is there a chance you might regret not giving marital counseling a shot for the possibility of keeping your family together? If you're not sure, it's worth trying. Then if you still feel this way and can't imagine being happy with him, you'll know for sure that you both did what you could and learned you'd be happier apart.
Jennifer, School Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 397
Experience: Extensive experience fostering family relationships through consultation / counseling.
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