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Ask Dr. Keane Your Own Question

Dr. Keane
Dr. Keane, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1765
Experience:  PHD LPC
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My wife recently told me that she wanted out of our marriage.

Customer Question

My wife recently told me that she wanted out of our marriage. I work a very stressful job with many families depending on the descions I make. We have 3 children together (10, 4, 7 months), I am excited to get home every night to see them but then I was a jerk for some reason and take out my frustrations on them by being a jerk. She came with me to see a counselor and decided to try a live in seperation. How do I start to make myself a better person, for them, and myself? How do I show her that I really can be a better husband, father, and person so we can save our 7 year marriage. I desparetly want this more than anything and am devastated over this.
Submitted: 7 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr. Keane replied 7 years ago.
Hi, You are not alone in being someone who comes home and takes their frustrations from work out on their family but that doesn't make it right. What you can do now is make sure you get your own therapy to learn how to handle your stress from work differently and to be a better husband and father. You have a lot at stake. You stated the right words when you said "show her" that's key. I tell people I see in any situation that involves children that they owe it to the children to make the attempt to save the marriage. If she agreed to go to counseling with you that should be continued. Your individual therapy should focus on you and what you need to become a better husband/father. You may need to pay more positive attention to her needs, offer to help her around the house, take the children out alone, "doing" things that show you love and care for her. Maybe you need to organize the time you come home differently, Evenings are hectic to begin with, most of us are tired and cranky. Ask for time to unwind and then pitch in and help, be involved in their everyday in a positive way.
It took time to get to this place so don't expect it to be "good" right away, AND the true test won't come until things settle, that is when it is more important to stay focused on the family.
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