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Anna
Anna, Social Worker
Category: Relationship
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Experience:  29 years experience in addictions & mental health. I'll tell you my honest opinion.
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My husband is 16 years older than I am and has had ED for about

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My husband is 16 years older than I am and has had ED for about 8 years. It took an act of Congress to get him to the doctor to get a prescriptions for ED but none of them seem to be very effective for him. He hasn't made any effort to discuss any other options with his doctor. He is very caring and always wants to satisfy me either orally or manually and seems to think this should be enough for me but knowing that I will not be having orgasms through intercourse ever again is very depressing. It now feels like a chore to try to make him climax and even though I have never said it, it seems pathetic. I don't want to hurt his feelings by telling him I don't want to have sex anymore, but I feel like I am no longer true to myself by continuing act like I'm interested. We have been together for 25 years. I don't know what to do.
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Anna replied 4 years ago.


Hey Sungirl,

When the Viagra doesn't work, it's usually something else physically going on...his vasculature or prostrate. You're carrying around the big secret, and I'm glad you wrote it out loud...it seems pathetic to you. I wonder if both of you aren't looking at sex as a chore right now, and not wanting to hurt the other's feelings. He might be feeling like he's older than you and letting you down, but it's harder and harder for him to maintain interest. You feel like you don't want to disappoint him...no one is having fun anymore.

Why not suggest a sex vacation? Go to the doctor and come home saying you're not supposed to have intercourse for a month for some reason. Then see how it goes. You can always need another month". It might just be the break you need.

You can take another route and go to counseling and try to find out a way to communicate through this. It can make you closer instead of shutting down a part of your life, you can both put it on a shelf together for a while.

Be true to yourself.

My best to you.

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Thanks!

Anna

Anna, Social Worker
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1945
Experience: 29 years experience in addictions & mental health. I'll tell you my honest opinion.
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