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Anna, Social Worker
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1945
Experience:  29 years experience in addictions & mental health. I'll tell you my honest opinion.
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My partner of nearly two years (male, straight, age 49) actively

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My partner of nearly two years (male, straight, age 49) actively avoids having sex with me (female, straight, age 50). He stays up late until I am asleep and then comes to bed with all his clothes on. He also claims to be ticklish when I try to touch him. We are very close in other respects. We sleep together, cuddle lots, laugh a lot, but we have NEVER snogged (he has told me he hates it, all we do is pucker lips, and we kiss each other like that a lot) and have not had sex since last September (5 months ago). Prior to that if we had sex once a month it was a lot (and always initiated by me, he is always very passive and has never ONCE touched me in a sexual way in all the time I have known him!). I don't know whether to do anything about it or not. I have tried to talk to him about it but he says he doesn't want to discuss it. He's not impotent, far from it, and has nothing to be embarassed about down there either (far from it!) but he just won't do it. I think about it all the time!

Hey dco,

You're right that something is going on, and that this is not normal. If he is unwilling to deal with it, then you're going to have to decide if you're willing to give up a healthy sex life with a partner - very hard thoughts to have. The 2 most common things that cause this behavior are sexual compulsivity issues, like addiction to porn or sexual anorexia. You'd be surprised at how many men get lost in late night porn and no longer want to have sex with a partner. All the energy goes back into themselves in a compulsive spiral.
read some articles on this site

The other, and it's related, is sexual anorexia

Often the cause of these problems is some form of trauma in childhood, sometimes it comes from depression. Explore those sites and see if any of it fits. If not, then you need to deal with how important sexual intimacy is in your life and if you're willing to give it up. At 2 years into the relationship, people are usually settling down sexually, not turning it off. It's a problem.

My best to you.

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