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Angela
Angela, Counselor
Category: Relationship
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I have been with my man for 18 months. We are both 47. He split

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I have been with my man for 18 months. We are both 47. He split with his wife 2 years ago after 24 years of marriage. My mum is married to his uncle & we have known each other for 32 years. We got together about 2 months after his final attempt with his marriage failed. We are the best of friends, & had really strong feelings for each other. I love him, and we just click. He has 3 boys all living with their mum, (21,17,14) the youngest wants to live with him, but because of finances & as he is still paying the mortage & maintenance for his youngest two, he has found it hard to get a place of his own, & is living at his mums. Lately things have become very strained, but my main concern is that he will not introduce me to his children. I have 2 children who have come to accept him totally. Last week he told me he loves me but is not in love with me & ended the relationship. Am I right to think that he just needs some space to sort things out, or should I accept that it is over for good.
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Angela replied 4 years ago.
Hello T,
I think the best thing to do is to give him space and while you are doing this focus on yourself. First, he may need time to be alone due to the issues he could be experiencing from his previous 24 years of marriage along with the stress of financially providing for 2 of his children. Also, he could be stressing out do to the situation concerning his son who wants to come and live with him. Therefore, it would be best to accept what he has said and give to him space. Second, my concern is for you. If out of the blue he just ended your relationship, then even if he would decide to be in a relationship again with you, you should be wary of this. For example: should the two of you resume a relationship in the future, will he just end it suddenly and unexpectantly? Also, should he want to be in a relationship again with you, be sure to address any questions and concerns you have before you make your final decision. For example: you could discuss with him when will you meet his children and etc.? I am glad that he was honest with you about how he feels and based upon this, I think you should move on and consider if you want to have a platonic friendship with him for you and for the sake of your sons who have accepted him. If you decide that you want to, then discuss the platonic friendship with him and see what you both decide.

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