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Dr Rossi
Dr Rossi, Licensed Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 4627
Experience:  Certified Hypnotherapist, Author, 13+years of experience.
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My wife and I have been married for seventeen years. She did

Customer Question

My wife and I have been married for seventeen years. She did not disclose a pre marriage interacial relationship to me until I found out about in the other day. She had previously denied this relationship. When I confronted her with the relationaship she admitted to it but said it only involved kissing etc. no sexual intercourse, and I believe this. I will be honest the interacial issue and the cover up are the issues. We are on the verge of divorce over this issue. Any advice would be greatly appreciated by me.
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Angela replied 4 years ago.
Hello J,
Based upon what you have written, would you both be willing to go to marriage counseling to work through this issue. Especially, since you feel as though your wife hid this from you it would not be uncommon if you also feel betrayed by her. I suggest this because if you both are on the verge of divorce, then it shows that the two of you talking about this issue is not enough and that a third party person (-counselor, therapist, etc.) could really be beneficial to your situation and could perhaps help you both save your marriage. Also, if you and your wife are religious, you could check with a place of your religious background for free or reduced counseling sessions.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Relist: Answer quality.
The quality of the answer was poor in my opinon, anyone can refer you to counseling over any issue. I need a more detail answer dealing with the substance of my question.
Expert:  Dr Rossi replied 4 years ago.

Good Evening,

 

You've re listed your question and I will try to assist-

 

1) you are admitting that the cover up and the fact that this relationship was interracial were the issues

 

One possibility is that you may be wondering now if this is the only time your wife had withheld information (and therefore working yourself up as to thinking about what else she may have not been honest) If this is the case, then the trust issue is a major one in any relationship.

If she had been honest and a decent wife for these 17 years and had decided to keep something private (which she has the right to do so,) you may want to find out what had made her not want to share this (Is it because of your reaction) or (is it because of something else ie. she does not trust you, she does not want to feel judged, etc)

 

If this is just one incident in her life (and one thing she had kept private during your marriage, then, you would want to figure out why is this becoming such a major issue to the point of losing the marriage and all that time and energy and love the two of you had shared (and if it is worth it) It would be like giving power to this occurrence that took place many years ago and let it break what the two of you had built.

 

Dr Rossi, Licensed Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 4627
Experience: Certified Hypnotherapist, Author, 13+years of experience.
Dr Rossi and 3 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you

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