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Angela
Angela, Counselor
Category: Relationship
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Experience:  n/a
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my wife left me 4 months ago. and at that time she start seeing

Customer Question

my wife left me 4 months ago. and at that time she start seeing this guy. this guy got divorce in 2 months ago and now my wife telling me she has feeling for him. but i know she still love me and and care for me. i want her back in my life. but i am not sure what to do. i feel like calling this guy and tell him to go way.is she in rebound? does she really have feeling for him? he is totally a loser and he sleep at her apartment every night. until he get his own place. how can i help her to come back to me. i am trying my best . i love her so much. please advise..
Sam
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr Rossi replied 4 years ago.

Good Morning,

 

It is possible that your wife is confused (she either is having an affair but not sure if she wants to remain married) or she really had made up her mind to also split and be with him. It is important to know how long she had been having an affair (if this is something recent or if it goes back) If she had been seeing him for a short amount of time, she is still in the in love stage (when people fall in love and think that the rest of their life with that person will be all romantic and conflict free) Of course, with time, as the two people get used to each other, the in love stage moves to being more familiar (where he would not be romancing her as often, etc) Perhaps she is having a mild life crisis.

 

If you think she is confused (since it is not fair to keep in hoping ) see if she wants to go to couple's counseling. Her response may be an indicator of her feelings for you and how serious she's on keeping the marriage.

Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Relist: Inaccurate answer.
Expert:  Angela replied 4 years ago.
Hello S,
It is possible that your wife is on the rebound. I do not recommend calling the guy and telling him to go away because this could lead to problems on your end and with your wife (-example such as a physical fight etc.) and you can't control what he does. Also, confronting him may just push him and your wife closer together. Therefore, I would recommend trying to get your wife to talk with you away from her apartment and have a honest conversation with her when the two of you can do so in an undisturbed manner. Tell her that you want her back and ask her is there anyway this can happen (-using your own words). Then also after you express your feelings for her, ask here does she really have feelings for the other guy? You don't have to guess about these things (-guessing can usually lead to more frustration), I would ask her. Also, when you speak to your wife, try to express your emotions in a calm manner and focus on the above things I mentioned to share with her about your feelings and to ask her about the other guy along with any other questions that you have. Try not to get angry or loose control of your emotions because it will more than likely push her away from you and/or cause her to shut you out.
Angela, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 681
Experience: n/a
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Customer: replied 4 years ago.

This is question for Angela

 

thank you.. she said she has feeling for him.she is arab and he is american. she is 36 and he is 53 she said she has fun with him. what can i do to have her back.. i love herhow long this relationship will last? when she left me she jum in to this guy and he was my attorney

 

Thank you

Expert:  Angela replied 4 years ago.
Hello S,
Since you had the conversation with your wife and have shared your feelings with her, that was the first important step. Based upon what you have written, she states at the moment she has feelings for the other guy, since this is the case and since you still love her and want to be a part of her life, the best thing to do is to be there for her with unconditional love (- as long as doing so does not cause you any mental, physical, and emotional harm, if it does then you must separate yourself from her and take care of yourself first). By doing this, if your wife is just going through a phase when the smoke clears she will see that you have been there for her all of the time. I don't know how long the relationship will last, however, I am concerned about one point. You mentioned he was your lawyer and that she left you for him. I would like for you to look into whether or not any ethics or values were violated pertaining to the attorney working for you and then having a relationship with your wife; it kind of sounds unethical and that it could be against the guidelines which attorneys must adhere to, however, I don't know. Check into this by calling your local bar association and sharing vaguely the scenario without giving out your personal information (-unless you want to) and let them tell you if any violation has occurred and whether or not any disciplinary action could be taken.

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