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Jennifer, School Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 397
Experience:  Extensive experience fostering family relationships through consultation / counseling.
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My fiance engages in what I think is very abusive behavior.

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My fiance engages in what I think is very abusive behavior. I am a college student and he is not, and he is constantly angry at me for the time I spend in school. I am very ambitious and have lots of activites, but I always make time to see him, even if my extracurricular activites or schoolwork suffers...but he gets upset if I don't call him when he thinks I should or when I don't invest all of my energy in him when we are together. There was a time in our four-year relationship when he began staying out all night, drinking, and getting angry with me for asking him where he was. Once, while drunk, he hit me repeatedly in the arm until my arm was badly bruised, but I ended up forgiving him. I am exhausted and truly feel that I have lost a lot of the love I had for him because he consistenly treats me this way. But then he'll be nice or understanding, and I'll think maybe he's changed. I've lost so much energy in this relationship that I don't even know how I could end it anymore.
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Jennifer replied 6 years ago.
Hello and thanks for using!

First of all, I'm so sorry to hear how draining this relationship has been for you and particularly for the incident in which he became physically abusive. That behavior is unacceptable in any relationship.

If you're looking to truly change the expectations he has of you and regain your trust in his ability to control his anger, I'd recommend you both attend counseling (individual and marital counseling).

If not, it's time to gather your support system -- Who can you count on when you need help? Whether it's a friend to talk to, a place to stay, or a family member who loves you unconditionally, now it the time to make those calls and explain how unhappy you are. They'll give you the strength to do what you need to do if you decide to leave. Don't be afraid to ask for help. Regardless of what you decide to do, I think you could benefit greatly from individual counseling. I'm happy to hear you're a college student -- most colleges have a counseling center that offers services to students either free or at a very low cost. Look into it? Counseling is a safe place to share your feelings, explore your options, and receive guidance in how to meet your goals.

I wish you the best of luck!
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