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Jennifer
Jennifer, School Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 397
Experience:  Extensive experience fostering family relationships through consultation / counseling.
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hi there i have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for

Customer Question

hi there i have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 3 years. we live together. he is 27 and I am 31. We have known each other for 7 years. We have had a wonderful relationship- very compatible and very happy together. We have not argued often. Recently I have felt that my boyfriend is distant- at times he is ambivalent but then when I pull away he leaves notes around the house and gifts to say he loves me. He is not calling often though or messaging me any nice messages. He is not very romantic lately and isalmost quite clinic in his approach to the relationship and intimacy. He has said to me that he is not feeling very happy at the moment but can not distinguish whether it is to do with his own issues or me. He says that he also feels that can not make me happy. Previously he has always been loving and affectionate. He has told me that he does not know how he feels about me or the relationship or whether he still wants the realtionship but yet he says that he still loves me and is extremely attracted to me. He just says to everything "I don't know". This has only recently happened in the last few days. Prior to that all was perfect and he said that he adored me and his love for me was getting stronger...???? I am really confused and he is not really trying at all. I respect he needs time to think things through but I am not sure that love should really have to be thought about....I believe it either exists or it does not....for me the feelings are still there. In the last couple of days he has said hurtful things like..."I have been thinking that if you were not around I would be ok and I would not really be devastated." But at the same time when I talk about breaking up or him leaving he says no. I am really heartbroken and devastated and do not really want to accept this type of behaviour in my life. I want him but not this behaviour. I feel unappreciated and almost like he is too comfortable. What do I do and how do I make him realize that life without me would be not so good...????
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Jennifer replied 4 years ago.
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Jennifer
Jennifer
Counselor
397 Satisfied Customers
Extensive experience fostering family relationships through consultation / counseling.