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Jennifer, School Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 397
Experience:  Extensive experience fostering family relationships through consultation / counseling.
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I share a house with my brother that we both inherited from

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I share a house with my brother that we both inherited from our mother 4 yrs ago. My brother has I feel some major issues that I always knew were there but now they are very apparent. At the time of my mothers death she has debt of about 20,000. I had some debt and so did my brother and we lumped everything together and took out a home equity loan of about 125,000. long story short. my brother refuses to contribute anything to the payment of this loan. he is now unemployed and acts as though this is not his problem it is all mine. He does not help me with important decisions regarding this house, as I am ignored and tuned out. I am stressed to the max with him. Can you offer suggestions?
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Jennifer replied 6 years ago.
Hello and thanks for using!

I'm assuming you've already tried a frank discussion with your brother about what you need from him. If not, approach this conversation in a positive manner -- Begin with thing you appreciate about him and how you'd like to improve your relationship and your ability to live together under the same roof. Be specific in what you're looking for from him, but also ask what he needs from you (respecting his needs will make him more likely to respect yours). When you speak with him about this issue, don't be afraid to offer suggestions... If he doesn't have the money due to a lack of employment, is there anything he can sell to help with his share?

If he won't listen to you, is there anyone he trusts and seeks approval from in any way? Perhaps another family member? That might be the person to address this issue with him.

I don't know if this is a long-term living arrangement, but it may be time to address that issue with him as well. The prospect of this comfortable situation changing for him may be enough to get him more involved.
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