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Angela, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 681
Experience:  n/a
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Ive been married for about 8 years and recently had an affair.

Resolved Question:

I've been married for about 8 years and recently had an affair. My husband is willing to work things out but I'm not sure if I really want to. I feel much happier with the other person. The other person is very attentive, caring and I feel like I really love him more. However, the other person has been in a long term relationship with someone he says he is not in love with. He has never been married and has no kids but talks about wanting those things with me. I know this sounds bad but I know he has never talked about those things with his current girlfriend because she is kind of a friend of mine. She is always complaining about how she asks him to get married and have kids and he says no. He wants me to leave my husband for him but I am so confused. Should I take the risk? If my husband is willing to forgive me, he must love me. How can I be sure the other guy really loves me just as much as I love him?
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Angela replied 5 years ago.
Hello Y,
Whether or not to take the risk should be decided after you have thought long and hard about each man with the realization that there are no guarantees or way to know if the other guy loves you as much as your husband does until you actually have a monogamous relationship with him. Keeping the above in mind, I think the best thing for you to do is to make a list of pros and cons for each man. Making the list of pros and cons usually helps people to decide because you would be looking at concrete facts and carefully weighing each fact in order to reach your decision. You should have 2 lists with pros and cons on each list for each person. Carefully, write down and then weigh the pros and cons of each relationship for each list. Once you have done that, review the list and consider how each item on the list affects you mentally, emotionally, financially, physically, compatibility wise, happiness,and etc. in reference to each man. Then decide based upon the results of each list if it is best to continue or discontinue your current relationship or whether you should reconcile with your husband. Take your time and do the list and see what your results are. Ultimately, there is no guarantee about which man you would be happier with which is why I suggest making the lists and carefully weighing the facts to determine the possible answer as to which man you would be happier with. After doing the list if you are still unsure, then do not leave your husband until you are absolutely sure that it is the best choice . Be sure to keep your lists confidential and secure and only make the lists when you will be alone and undisturbed.
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Should the financial aspect really be considered important? Of course I know money is needed to survive but does having more money really mean you will be happier with that person? I ask because the other guy asks me the same thing. He wants me to be happy and knows my husband is more financially stable. The other guy is concerned but states he knows I can be happy with him even though he does not have as much money.
Expert:  Angela replied 5 years ago.
Hello Y,
The financial aspect should be considered from your point of view about how important finances are in your relationship. For example: will you and your partner equally be providing for the needs in your relationship such as rent or mortgage, utilities, entertainment activities, and etc. Having more money is no guarantee of happiness, it just needs to be examined from a realistic point of view such as with the above examples, so in this sense it is not about who has more money but it is about how the money will be distributed concerning both of you and how you feel about the distribution of the money.
Angela, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 681
Experience: n/a
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