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My ex wife and I divorced in Nov. 2009. We separated in December,

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My ex wife and I divorced in Nov. 2009. We separated in December, earlier that year. We separated due to a complete break down in communication. There was no infidelity, physical violence, financial mismanagement, etc. We simply could not connect on an intimate level. Although I left the home, the decision to separate was joint. At the time of our separation, my daughter was 4 years old.

During the separation, I began to date another woman that I have known for some time. We never had any inappropriate interactions prior to the separation. Although I was dating her casually, I was still attempting to speak to my wife in an effort to reconcile. However, my wife told me she was not ready.

Almost 1 year later, my ex-wife has decided to become serious about reconciliation. However, my relationship with the other woman has progressed. I love different aspects about both woman. Athough I have a child with my ex, we have no passion. I do not want to repeat the past. Help!
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Angela replied 4 years ago.
Hello Desert,
To help you make the best and healthiest decision for yourself please do this exercise: Make a list of pros and cons about each of the women (-only do this when you can do so quietly and uninterrupted). Carefully, weigh the pros and cons on the list for each woman and how each item affects you mentally, emotionally, and etc. in reference to each woman. Then decide based upon the results of the list if it is best to continue or discontinue your current relationship or wether you should reconcile with your ex. So take your time and do the list and see what your results are. After doing the list, I think you will have a greater idea about which woman would be the better choice for you. Also, be sure to include your child in the list as you work through each pro and con for each woman and think about how your child will also be affected as you go over each pro and con. If at the end of your list you decide to reconcile with your ex, then you could always work on building intimacy with her which would hopefully lead to having passion with her (-your sex life should be included on the list with each woman as well). If you reconcile with your ex, a book I recommended to my clients dealing with intimacy building, which they found helpful, can be found by clicking here:
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
How much emphasis should I put on my child in making the decision? She seems to have adjusted quite well to the divorce. I don't want to be self indulgent, yet I don't want to make a decision that's only for my daughter.
Expert:  Angela replied 4 years ago.
Hello Desert,
By no means make a decision based upon your daughter. There was a time when parents would suck up being in an unfulfllling relationship for the sake of the children because they thought it was for the child's best......that time has gone by for the better, especially, since having two parents who are miserable together affects the child in a negative manner (-and the child always picks up on the parent's being miserable). I want you to be aware of your daughter as you weigh the pro's and con's, however, your final decision is to be based upon the best woman for you because your well being and happiness is at hand.
Angela, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 681
Experience: n/a
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