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Dr.G., Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1473
Experience:  Licensed Psychologist in the state of Minnesota
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my husband and i have been together for 7 years and 1.5 years

Resolved Question:

my husband and i have been together for 7 years and 1.5 years of marriage. He is a very quiet person and hard to get. This is one of the things that i was attracted by. However, now this is one of the things that i hate the most. This all started because in the beginning of our relationship he was not very attentive. He rather stay with other people (woman) at work and when we were together all he could do was talk about his boss (woman). He also came that day showing me a bite from a woman that day. He said they were wrestling and the she bit him. On top of that he was a porn addict and when we use to go out all he could do was glance at other girls thinking i was noticing what he was doing. When we went out also in the beginning most of the time i had to pay my own way and many other things. we have a daughter and when he was cleaning i saw a greeting card from a woman saying 'lets me make your bday interesting spank me'. He said the card was before me. Do i trust him? or walk out?
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr.G. replied 6 years ago.
He definitely is giving you reasons not to trust him. I wonder if he is not having emotional affairs at work. Wrestling with a female coworker is totally innapropriate. Before making any decisions I would let him know how you feel, what your concerns are, and what specifically you need for him to do to earn your trust. See how he responds to this and if he is willing to do things to earn your trust. If he is not willing to do things or if he denies everything then you might have your answer that things need to break up. But get more info from him and see if he sees problems in the relationship. If he is willing to change then great. If not then you have your answer. Good luck.
Customer: replied 6 years ago.

From Wife:

I have done that with him in the past but it seems like things always happened that make me doubt him. whether is 3 months 9 months intervals time. I feel sometimes like this is never ending behaviour of him. Sometimes i don't think he loves, i don't know who he is, i feel lonely, insecure, unwanted. I just wish sometimes he wouldn't hurt me so much I wish he would think before he acts. i think no matter how much he sometimes tries is like a never ending trend with him.


From Husband:

When i was with my wife (second girlfriend) is like i was learning what a relationship was suppose to be. The first girlfriend we never went out or anything all we did was talk on the phone but we didn't really say anything. so my wife was my real first relationship. all the stuff like the bitting and the boss i never knew that the type of behaviour was inappropriate. Once it was brought to my attention that it was inapprotriate it never happen again. I understand sometime i have not been the most thoughtful person and i have made alot of mistakes like my obsession with porn with i have been watch since i was 8 years old so it was a hard habit to quit. I love my wife and family cheating on her is something that has never crossed my mind all I ever want was to grow old with her so I am willing to do what ever she ask of me.

Expert:  Dr.G. replied 6 years ago.
Well now it is time to tell him what you want from him and if he cannot provide it to you then you need to find someone who can. You can't get any simpler than this.
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