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Angela, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 681
Experience:  n/a
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My BF of 2 years and I are at a crossroads. He is in therapy

Customer Question

My BF of 2 years and I are at a crossroads. He is in therapy and recovery for porn addiction/intimacy. We love each other very much and were going to get engaged soon, but I got mean and drunk and said horrible things- this isn't the first time its happened. I think I there are trust/security issues around his addiction. Understandably, he now wants to break up.. he said he loves me so much but is questioning me in his future. He wants to have children and he does not want to be in a relationship like this- I had broke my promise for it to not happen again. I know this is all my fault. He now doubts everything about us. Again understandably. I know I just have to accept the consequences and move on, but any real solid advice would be helpful. I called a therapist to get in alcohol counseling, because this has never happened to me before I met him and i am scared. I don't know if I should ask him to leave while he figures things out or let him make the decision to leave while i continue to work on myself. Any help to maybe not lose him
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Angela replied 6 years ago.
Schedule a time with your boyfriend when the two of you can speak to one another in a calm, peaceful, and non-distracting environment. Choose a place to talk which makes you both feel peaceful and mellow. During this uninterrupted time begin the conversation by telling your boyfriend that you care about him and do not want your relationship to end. Continue the dialog and tell him that you accept full responsibility for breaking your word to him and for your actions and that you are sorry. Tell him that you realize that you need help to get control of your drinking and this is why you will be going to a therapist for counseling about your drinking. Tell him that you are also going to therapy because you love him and want to be in a healthy relationship with him. Ask him to continue to be patient with you. Also, it would be helpful for you to go to a support group where you are surrounded by other people working through their drinking issues. A support group is structured differently than counseling due to the fact that it consists of other people working on their drinking issues. If you go to counseling and a support group, then half of your battle will be won. Also, it would be great if you tell your bf that you will find a support group to go to. Most support groups are free and you can find one in your area by searching online or checking your phone book. So to recap: 1. talk to your bf in the manner I described, 2, schedule a therapy session, 3. Get into a support group. Communication and honesty are vital for relationships to continue in a healthy and positive manner. As a result, both of you need to feel comfortable and safe in sharing with one another and both of you need to be willing to discuss and work on your concerns. Hopefully your bf will continue your relationship due to the actions that you will take to get control of your drinking.

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