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Anna
Anna, Social Worker
Category: Relationship
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Experience:  29 years experience in addictions & mental health. I'll tell you my honest opinion.
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Me and my sons (2yrs old) father have been together one and

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Me and my sons (2yrs old) father have been together one and off for 6 yrs. It has been a timultous time. To explain briefly as possible, I was basically the "other woman" for 4yrs. He always said he wanted to be with me, he loved me etc, eventhough his actions showed otherwise, i was naive and believed i loved him so much i waited and stayed in the situation. I have an 8 yr old daughter, who he also made sure he made no bond with, and made sure he wasnt close. made her feel left out and not included. For the past yr or so he has been saying he wnts to be together but still was going back n forth between me and his other sons mother. Since oct he claims to be faithful to me and wants to have a committed relationship. he has slept with other people but wont be honest about it, but i feel i can't move on without the truth. He wants to go to therapy but do u think that this relationship can be salvaged? can trust be rebuilt without him being honest about his past?


HiCustomer

It sounds to me like you've got a man who is very attached to intrigue and drama, which is not a good sign. Rarely do these men settle down for one stable relationship. I can tell you for sure that he can't build trust while lying. I know you don't want to hear that, and it might make you mad at me for saying it. Go to therapy, but if everyone isn't 100% honest about it, you won't have a foundation of trust. You're perfectly right in saying that you can't move on without the truth. Of course you can't. You deserve no less than that.

If you would, please fill out the feedback form after accepting. I appreciate this opportunity to help you out today. If I can be of further service to you, just put "for Anna" in the front of your new question, and I'll be the one to answer it.

Thanks!

Anna

Anna and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 7 years ago.

for anna: Just a follow up question since i did not have enough space for this all. Do you think it is possible for him to build a meaningful bond with my daughter? what would it take to do that?

Also, he has even called the police on me and has told lies to the police to make me seem like im someone that I am not. What caused him to want to go to therapy was we recently got into an argument in public, police called. i had left but returned to speak with the police. He had exaggerated things and lied saying i did things i did not do. The police said we both go home or both to jail. He was so upset with me he Requested to go to jail in order to get me arrested. I have a lot of resentment and anger towards him because i feel im ruingin my life trying to be with him. I want to try to make it work for my son, but even with the police being involved, could counseling help? He called the police also b/c i came over n rang his doorbell n he was mad at me. Now he is so sorry and wants it to work. is it possible he really loves me? or is this one big mess that doesn't look fixable?



HiCustomer

That is just too much for me to help you with in this Q&A format, I'm sorry. But before I close out the question, let me tell you what I hear. I hear that you are in an intense power struggle with a man who lies and is willing to go to jail to have his child's mother arrested. Think about that. Think about it from your daughter's perspective when she gets older and looks back on this time, and asks you why you went to jail?


This isn't someone I'd want to have my child near, much less to have a relationship with. Why in the world do you care if he loves you? Why are you ruining your life trying to be with him? This makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. This is bizarre behavior, and has nothing to do with love. You need to protect your daughter from this drama and let this man exit your life. At best, XXXXX XXXXX isn't a nice person. You deserve better.

Edited by Anna on 2/3/2010 at 7:53 PM EST
Customer: replied 7 years ago.
I appreciate hearing an honest opinion. Which I have heard the same time and time again no matter who I ask. So, I'm tryng very hard to leave the situation for good this time. Thanks for ur input. I think I did this correct and have paid my account.

Tor,

You're welcome. It's hard, but many things are. It's not harder than childbirth. You gave birth to a child - you can do this. I have a very powerful short article that I'm going to ask you to read every day for 30 days. I want you to print it and carry it with you. Every time you feel your reserve weakening, I want you to read it. Read it till the ink comes off the page.

Rules of The Game




You've paid, thank you. Take care.
Anna.

I'm going to close this thread. If you have another question later on, just put "for Anna" in the title and I'll get it.

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