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Angela, Counselor
Category: Relationship
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My partner and myself are both in the navy. We are both stationed

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My partner and myself are both in the navy. We are both stationed in Japan but not in the same prefecture. I have to fly one hour and 45 minutes just to see him and I dont get that long to see him either. We just started our relationship about 2 months ago and it has been going great. But I feel that the distance has really put a bad thorn in his side. He is very mean sometimes in what he says. He doesnt want to talk everyday, I smother him, I am too needy. I know for a fact that I have not asked for a whole lot and I am not smothering him but I feel that this is an excuse to break up because of the distance. What can I do to help easy the pain of a long distant relationship?
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Angela replied 6 years ago.
Hello Navyhm,
Based upon what you have written, you are giving 100%, however, your partner is not. You have to fly 1hour 45 minutes to see him and he does not want to talk everyday and instead says that you are smothering him? This is a red flag. If he wants the relationship to work as you do, he will be willing to discuss the above issues with you. You cannot force him to do anything and because you have been trying so hard, you now need for him to do his part and talk to you about your concerns. I recommend scheduling a time with your partner when the two of you can speak to one another in a calm, peaceful, and non-distracting environment. Perhaps the next time you fly out to see him you could choose a place to talk that you know makes you both feel peaceful and mellow. During this uninterrupted time, calmly explain to your partner your concerns about your relationship along with his comments about you beng too needy and smothering him. Listen to his responses and then respond to him from your heart in a respectful and loving manner as you continue the dialog. Communication and honesty are vital for relationships to continue in a healthy and positive manner. As a result, both of you need to feel comfortable and safe in sharing with one another and both of you need to be willing to discuss and work on your concerns. So after you try this method of talking to him, if it does not go well, then you need to consider moving on because clearly you are the only one doing all of the work in this relationship. It takes two to make a relationship work.
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