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Angela
Angela, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 681
Experience:  n/a
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Hello Angela I spoke with you last night in regards to my

Resolved Question:

Hello Angela
I spoke with you last night in regards XXXXX XXXXX personal relationship. I'm the one who has been dating someone for the last 5/12 years. The reason that I'm so troubled about my relationship, is I've always been a very givin' person. From the very beginning of the ralationship, I've been very giving and to think that now I could use the help my boyfriend doesn't even offer to help. When he was working I use to invite him to my house on Wednesdays and cook him supper. Now that he's retired he rarely cooks for me (Xmas) or offers to shovel my driveway or anything like that. I feel so empty inside I just can't explain it. He's been seperated for 20 years now and he raised his 3 kids on his own. I feel that he's making me pay for the hardship that his 2 wives have put him through. I didn't feel this way for the first couple of years that we were dating. He offers to help me, but I've noticed only if it doesn't cost him anything. Should I end this relationship and move on?
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Angela replied 4 years ago.
Hello Sylvie,
In light of what you have written, I can tell that you really care about this man and that at the same time you are really hurt by this relationship. Due to this, would he be willing to go to counseling with you (-keep this in the back of your mind)? I think your relationship is able to be saved and made healthy only if he is willing to work on it with you. Unfortunately, if he is not willing to work on it with you, then from what you have written it appears that your relationship will continue down this same path that has brought you resentment and hurt and you deserve a healthy relationship where your partner gives 100% just as you do. Due to your relationship being at a critical point of wether to end it or keep it, you need to know if he is willing to work on it so that you can keep it. In order to find this out, I recommend scheduling a time with your boyfriend when the two of you can speak to one another in a calm, peaceful, and non-distracting environment. Perhaps you could choose a place to talk that you know makes you both feel peaceful and mellow. During this uninterrupted time, calmly explain to your boyfriend your concerns about him not helping you if it involves money and about you feeling like he is making you pay for his past relationships. Explain to him that in order for you to get past these concerns he must be willing to talk about it so that you both decide how to move past this. You can also let him know that going to counseling is on the table for discussion as well. As you share with him do so in a non-judgmental and calm manner in order for your boyfriend to feel comfortable and able to honestly reply to your concerns. Listen to his responses and then respond to him from your heart in a respectful and loving manner as you continue the dialog. Communication and honesty are vital for relationships to continue in a healthy and positive manner. As a result, both of you need to feel comfortable and safe in sharing with one another and both of you need to be willing to discuss and work on your concerns. After your conversation, if he is not willing to work on the concerns you have brought up, then he really leaves you no choice about continuing the relationship because it takes two to make a relationship work. You cannot continue down this current path of hurt; he must help and be willing to do so by discussing it with you, working on the issues, and if you both decide- to go to counseling. If he really cares about you and loves you, he will be willing to work on the issues and concerns that you have brought up. I think you will have your answer after you try one final attempt at discussing these issues with him in the manner I described above. I am sorry for this very difficult time that you are going through.
Angela, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 681
Experience: n/a
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