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Dr. Keane
Dr. Keane, Counselor
Category: Relationship
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Experience:  PHD LPC
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my boyfriend has this friend (girl) he met in mexico 5 years

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my boyfriend of nearly 2 years has this friend (girl) he met in mexico 5 years ago, she was living in london but recently moved back to California, she was living here with her fiancee. The engagement broke off and she contacted my boyfriend to meet with him before she went back to Cali (she wrote a message on his facebook wall saying she had to meet with him) I asked him about her, and he said she was just a friend, but he promised he would'nt meet with her alone if it upset me. I went through his phone and discovered they did meet for dinner alone before she went back to California, he obviously had'nt told me. She is younger than me, blonde, rich and im wondering if there is a reason he didnt tell me or if he just could'nt be bothered with the hassle. Obviously i cant tell him i checked his phone, he already thinks i dont trust him (he has flirted a bit with other girls in my face before - and used to always check his phone a lot when we were together) All my friends think he's a really good boyfriend though and he tell me he loves me often and wants us to move in together, he calls me every day, sent me roses on my birthday and loves spending quality time with me. What do you think - do i have anything to worry about? I'm just worried about wasting time with someone who isnt trustworthy - but maybe it was a white lie and nothing worth fussing over - i just dont want to get addicted to checking his phone! I have spoken to him since discovering this about how important trust and honesty is in our relationship - and he always says he doesnt want to do anything to jeapordise 'us'.
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr. Keane replied 6 years ago.

The base that every relationship needs to be successful and thrive is trust and honesty. If he met this woman, as innocent as it may have been and he did not tell you then he is not trustworthy. You don't need to check his phone or texts, you know that he lied about meeting this woman and that should be all you need to know. You will never be fully trusting of him and he has already jeopardized your relationship which is worrisome in that he can lie so easily about it.
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