How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Dr Rossi Your Own Question

Dr Rossi
Dr Rossi, Licensed Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 4627
Experience:  Certified Hypnotherapist, Author, 13+years of experience.
19260254
Type Your Relationship Question Here...
Dr Rossi is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

My husband (38) left me 5 1/2 months ago (together 20 years).

Resolved Question:

My husband (38) left me 5 1/2 months ago (together 20 years). Nothing legal yet. We have two young daughters. We were having problems. He had expressed his concerns that we didn't spend enough time together alone, I was controlling with the kids and over-protective (we have a daughter with life threatening food allergies). I was doing my teaching degree part-time and managing the house and the kids. He was also very busy running his own very successful business, supporting our family and paying for my education. I was very busy and became resentful and cold when he would pressure me for time. I feel terribly guilty and devasted that I have destroyed our marriage and our family by my neglectful attititude. I am a very nuturing, caring, accomdating, empathetic person but I didn't listen to him and now we are in this mess. He also says his relationship with the kids is better now then ever but he only sees them 10 hours per week. He says that people can't change and that I will never change. We have just grown apart. We were so in love and I feel like took this for granted and now it is too late. I have tried to show him how I can change but my efforts are not acknowleged. He started seeing a younger woman before he left who I believe he is still involved with. Any suggestions and I am deeply worried for all of us.
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr Rossi replied 4 years ago.

Good Afternoon,

 

If he is willing to give the relationship a chance, couple's counseling is always an option. A relationship is made up of each partner and he can not place all of the responsibility onto you. It is possible to change ones behaviors (of course as long as the person is willing to do so) Perhaps he is using that as an excuse (that you can not change) because he is not interested on working on the issues at hand. The part about his involvement w. another woman is also a red flag.

 

Of course, you can still work on the things you believe you would want to improve in with his or without his support.

 

See if he would be willing to go to couple's counseling (that will at least show you his willingness level ) at this time.

 

 

Dr Rossi, Licensed Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 4627
Experience: Certified Hypnotherapist, Author, 13+years of experience.
Dr Rossi and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
He refuses to go to counselling at this time. He said that he gave me many chances to work on the marriage and finds it sad and insulting that I am putting in this effort only when he decided to leave. He never once told me that he was planning to leave and this has been very hard for me to manage.

He seems like a different person and looks at me in a different way. He says he still cares about me but he does not love me as a wife anymore. He also is a drinker and this has escalated over the past 2 years and particiulary in the time before he left. I am wondering if there is anything that I can do? He denies that he is in a relationship with the other woman and claims that she is just a friend. He says he finally out of the depression he was feeling and that he feels like a good person again. He said that I didn't make him feel good about himself. He says that the kids are now jumping with excitment when they see him.

I am not sure if he just needs space and time of if he is done. He tells me to move on but then when I ask him if this means forever, he says that he doesn't know how he will feel in a year from now.

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
< Last | Next >
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex Los Angeles, CA
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP Hesperia, CA
  • I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion. Justin Kernersville, NC
  • Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around. Esther Woodstock, NY
  • Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know. Robin Elkton, Maryland
  • He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here. Diane Dallas, TX
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DE/deedeeham/2011-1-24_51523_408.64x64.JPG Dear Debra's Avatar

    Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy's Avatar

    Kate McCoy

    Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    1235
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1215
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/CO/CoachJenK/2012-3-9_31019_Jen.64x64.jpg Coach Jen K.'s Avatar

    Coach Jen K.

    LMSW, CPC

    Satisfied Customers:

    726
    Providing the utmost care and support.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/IN/intrapsyc.com/2012-2-20_161928_RGMTPicturex5002012.64x64.png Rafael M.T.Therapist's Avatar

    Rafael M.T.Therapist

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    549
    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/HU/hungryjack20/IMG_1281_edit_2.64x64.jpg Dr. L's Avatar

    Dr. L

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    349
    Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/SU/suzmsw/2011-9-2_184634_Thisone.64x64.JPG Suzanne's Avatar

    Suzanne

    Therapist, LCSW

    Satisfied Customers:

    338
    Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency
 
 
 

Related Relationship Questions