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Dr. Keane
Dr. Keane, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1696
Experience:  PHD LPC
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I HAD BEEN DATING A LAWYER FOR SEVERAL YEARS AND I RECENTLY

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I HAD BEEN DATING A LAWYER FOR SEVERAL YEARS AND I RECENTLY BROKE UP WITH HIM BECAUSE MY MOTHER DIED IN 2009 AND HE DID NOT SEE MY MOM FOR SEVERAL YEARS AND DID NOT GO TO THE NURSING HOME TO VISIT HER. I HAVE BEEN FURIOUS ABOUT IT BECAUSE TO ME IT SHOWS HOW SELF CENTERED HE IS. WHEN IT COMES TO HIS MOM HE EXPECTS ME TO CALL HER AND HAVE A RELATIONSHIP. IT INFURIATED ME ABOUT HIM NOT SEEING MY MOM AND BECAUSE I WAS SO ANGRY AT THE LAST MINUTE HE TRIED TO GO SEE HER RIGHT BEFORE SHE PASSED. I THINK THAT YOUR MATE SHOULD BE BY YOUR SIDE AT A MOMENT LIKE THIS AND ALTHOUGH MY MOM HAD ALZHEIMERS HE SHOULD HAVE TAKEN MY MOM FLOWERS AND WENT TO SEE HER WHETHER SHE KNEW OR NOT BECAUSE OF HIS LOVE FOR ME. I JUST CANNOT SEEM TO WANT TO BE WITH HIM ANYMORE BECAUSE OF THIS INCIDENT BECAUSE IT SHOWS HOW SELF CENTERED HE IS. HE SEEMS TO THINK THAT I SHOUD NOT FEEL THIS WAY BUT STILL EXPECTS ME TO BE CLOSE TO HIS MOM AND I REFUSE TO DO IT BECAUSE OF HIS ACTIONS TOWARD MY MOTHER.
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr. Keane replied 4 years ago.
Hi

If you asked him to visit your mom and he refused, then expects you to be the one who keeps the relationship going with his mom just imagine how he will treat you down the road. Sounds pretty selfish doesn't he? I believe you did the right thing by breaking up with him. Don't let him tell you how you should feel, nor what he expects you to be like in terms of being close to his mother. He's is self centered and you would have a pretty bleak life if you stayed with him. It's a matter of respecting and loving you enough to do or just visit someone you love.
Please click accept and leave feedback.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

 

]\i wanted to mention that he stated that he tried to go with but i should have madearrangements. am i wrong for saying i should not have to make arrangements because many of my friends went to see my mom and i didn't even know it they told me AFTERWARDs STATING THAT THEY JUST STOPPED BY AND TOOK HER FLOWERS AND SHE DID NOT EVEN REMEMBER WHO THEY WERE. THEY SAID THEY JUST LAUGHED AND JOKED WITH HER. MY FEELINGS WERE HE SHOULD HAVE WENT TO SEE HER AND HE STATED I DIDN'T KNOW WHERE SHE WAS BUT I SAID EVERYONE ELSE FOUND HER AND THEY DIDN'T NEED DIRECTIONS. THEN HE STATED I AM NOT THAT KIND OF GUY WHICH INFURIATED ME MORE. HE TRIED TO GIVE ME 100.00 DOLLARS AFTERWARDS AND I SAID THAT DOES NOT MAKE THIS RIGHT. THEN HE BECAME ANGRY BECAUSE I SAID STOP TELLING ME HOW I SHOULD FEEL ABOUT HOW I SHOULD FEEL ABOUT HOW HE TREATED MY MOM. EVEN HIS MOM TRIED TO AGREE WITH HIM AND I DON'T WANT HER AROUND EITHER BECAUSE SHE CO SIGNS ON HIS SELF CENTERNESS AM I WRONG FOR SAYING YOU ARE NOT GOING TO TAKE CARE OF ME AND BE A CARING HUSBAND YOU ARE TO SELFCENTERED

Expert:  Dr. Keane replied 4 years ago.
Hi

I always tell people who have the exact concerns you have coming from egocentric men, look to how they treat others and that will tell you how he will treat you. If you have to defend your feelings, you are not off base at all. I hear from your post that you know you are right, so follow your gut. Money? you got that right.
Please click accept and leave followup...
Dr. Keane, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1696
Experience: PHD LPC
Dr. Keane and 3 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

he keeps saying that his car was acting up but my attitude is you go everywhere else you needed to gol. even the doctors were asking questions stating where is your mate you need that person here to help you make decisions. what really made me say forget you when his grand mother died he was insisting that i call his mom and he was going to come home early but business needed to be taken care of and he stated " i am staying because this is my grand mother and i want to make sure things are straight legally." what infuriated me was when it came to my mom i should just let it go that he didn't see her and he just isn't wrong and i am being overbearing. at that time i said get loss and i don't want to marry you because you are not a good husband for me you are to arrogant. his mom tried to make a statement regarding his behavior and sent me a card but i say she is wrong too because if she was the right type of person she would say that that's her mother and you should be there with her because of your future wife. he treats his mom wonderful she spoils him and takes up for his self centered ways. i just can't speak to her either for co-signing on his behavior. my play mother says i shoudl send the ring back because this is just how he will be in a marriage and he won't make me a priority he will always make his self one.

Expert:  Dr. Keane replied 4 years ago.
HI, I think you would be best served to follow through on returning the ring. You know in your gut that this guy will not think about your needs but his own. His mother is responsible for some of this due to the fact that she enabled him to have this attitude and thinks he can do no wrong. That is how some people become self centered, the world revolves around them types. Give her a $100 and the thinks hat will take care of that problem? You are right to break it off since you deserve better.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
i had previously mentioned about one of my bosses who is very eligible and being chased after by my women and he has expressed and interest in me because i am very reserved. well he told a friend of his who i am very close to that he is scared to make a move and call me because of the fact that he is a boss and he has seen men get in trouble but he really likes my style and really could get into me but he is reluctant about making a move. his friend stated that he really wants to date me but needs to be reassured that i won't get him into any trouble because he has a very high position and has seen other men get in trouble but he is always talking to me but really seems scared is that normal. he states that he really likes that i am really quiet is that normal for him to be scared about moving forward given his position
Expert:  Dr. Keane replied 4 years ago.
Hi, in this day and age it is pretty risky getting involved with a subordinate. People, not necessarily you, can turn nasty pretty quickly if something goes wrong in a relationship. A man in his position has to be very careful. Many places of employment forbid dating between employees. He is also your boss which makes it more risky. That being said, there are many people who can keep the lid on their dating someone from the same firm . So yes it's normal since he has a lot to lose and has to be very careful about following through. If you can reassure him that you aren't going to "sue" him or get both of you fired he might be less scared. He is playing by the rules which is admirable and if you think there may be a connection assure him through your friend that you'd enjoy meeting him for coffee, drink etc. What's life without a little risk??
Please click ACCEPT and leave FEEDBACK. Thanks.

Edited by Dr. Keane on 1/19/2010 at 1:58 PM EST
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

HOW DID YOU KNOW MY FRIEND KEEPS SAYING ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS ASSURE HIM THAT YOU WON'T GET HIM IN TROUBLE BECAUSE HE IS 3 RANKS HIGHER THAN ME AND MAKES OVER 100,000 A YEAR AND DOES NOT WANT TO MESS UP BECAUSE HE WILL POSSIBLY BE GOING HIGHER. THE OTHER DAY WE WERE TALKING AND OF COURSE THE WOMEN WERE FLIRTING WITH HIM WITH ME STANDING RIGHT THERE. HE REALLY MADE A FEW OF THEM JEALOUS WHEN HE ASKED ME TO COME TO HIS OFFICE BECAUSE HE STATED HE HAD SOME PAPERWORK FOR ME. MY REPLY WAS "I AM SCARED TO COME TO YOUR OFFICE." MAINLY BECAUSE OF THE GOSSIP. IT SEEMS THAT BECAUSE I WAS SCARED HE SEEMED TO LIKE ME MORE I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY THAT REALLY TURNED HIM ON HE HAD TO KEEP ASKING BUT I WAS REALLY APPREHENSIVE. IT SEEMS THE MORE SHYER I AM THE MORE HE LIKES IT.

 

I AM TRYING TO ACCEPT BUT IT KEEPS GIVING ME A MESSAGE THAT I HAVE ALREADY PAID FOR THIS ANSWER CAN YOU STRAIGHTEN IT OUT BECAUSE I PAY THROUGH PAYPAL AND I REALLY LIKE THIS SERVICE IT IS EASY TO ASK QUESTIONS AND NOT WORRY ABOUT YOUR BUSINESS BEING REPEATED EVEN IF I HAVE TO PAY FOR IT IT IS WORTH IT

 

Expert:  Dr. Keane replied 4 years ago.
Well I don't know but if he is interested and so are you, a bit of assurance may make him feel more at ease. Glad you like the service, You should be able to click accept so try again. It has to be you doing the "clicking".
Dr. Keane, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1696
Experience: PHD LPC
Dr. Keane and 3 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

HOW DID YOU KNOW MY FRIEND KEEPS SAYING ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS ASSURE HIM THAT YOU WON'T GET HIM IN TROUBLE BECAUSE HE IS 3 RANKS HIGHER THAN ME AND MAKES OVER 100,000 A YEAR AND DOES NOT WANT TO MESS UP BECAUSE HE WILL POSSIBLY BE GOING HIGHER. THE OTHER DAY WE WERE TALKING AND OF COURSE THE WOMEN WERE FLIRTING WITH HIM WITH ME STANDING RIGHT THERE. HE REALLY MADE A FEW OF THEM JEALOUS WHEN HE ASKED ME TO COME TO HIS OFFICE BECAUSE HE STATED HE HAD SOME PAPERWORK FOR ME. MY REPLY WAS "I AM SCARED TO COME TO YOUR OFFICE." MAINLY BECAUSE OF THE GOSSIP. IT SEEMS THAT BECAUSE I WAS SCARED HE SEEMED TO LIKE ME MORE I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY THAT REALLY TURNED HIM ON HE HAD TO KEEP ASKING BUT I WAS REALLY APPREHENSIVE. IT SEEMS THE MORE SHYER I AM THE MORE HE LIKES IT.

IS THAT NORMAL FOR A GUY WHO ALWAYS HAS WOMEN CHASING HIM TO APPRECIATE IT IF YOU DO NOT CHASE. I WANT TO CHASE BUT I AM SCARED HE MIGHT SEE ME AS THE OTHERS. BUT I AM ALSO AFRAID NOT TO CHASE BECAUSE HE MAY NOT NOTICE ME BECAUSE SO MANY OTHER WOMEN ARE CHASING. AM I FEELING WRONG NOT TO CHASE HIM AFTER ALL HE IS SO ELIGIBLE

I

Expert:  Dr. Keane replied 4 years ago.
Good morning, He needs reassurance due to the position he is in at work. If you begin to behave like these women what will set you apart from the "gang" and make you special to him? His fear of a sexual harassment complaint is very legitimate and he has been told by HR of the dangers. It has become a very serious, if not a bit overboard problem. In the workplace women were and are sexually harassed, now they have resources where they can actually take action against men who used their power for the wrong reasons. It may have gone a bit too far since today you cant' even "flirt" or tell a joke without thinking about the consequences first. So, don't change because if you do you will lose out since he will then view you as one of them.
Dr. Keane, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1696
Experience: PHD LPC
Dr. Keane and 3 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
SINCE I WROTE TO YOU ABOUT MY BOSS A LOT HAS HAPPENED. WELL WE STARTED EMAILING EACH OTHER AND HE FINALLY ASKED FOR MY PHONE NUMBER AND I GAVE IT TO HIM. I THINK THAT HE LIKES ME DUE TO MY WAY OF NOT CHASING AS YOU SAID. BUT WHAT HAPPENED NOW I AM REALLY WORRIED. HE COMES ACROSS AS BEING VERY CONFIDENT AND THE WOMEN THERE ARE SO MANY THAT ARE CHASING HIM. WELL WE WERE ON THE PHONE AND I TOLD HIM THAT MY COMPUTER WAS ACTING UP. HE STATED THAT HE WOULD COME ALL THE WAY FROM THE OTHER SIDE OF TOWN TO FIX IT THE NEXT MORNING BUT I WAS NOT AVAILABLE. I TOLD HIM THAT MY HOUSE IS NOT IN ORDER SO HE STATED HED WOULD COME OVER AND I COULD BRING MY COMPUTER OUTSIDE TO HIS CADILLAC TRUCK AND HE WOULD FIX IT IN THE CAR. WELL HE TRIED TO CALL ME THE NEXT DAY AFTER A FUNERAL AND I WAS NOT HOME. I RETURNED THE CALL WHEN I CAME HOME AND IT WAS 8 HOURS LATER. HE DID NOT ANSWER SO WE DIDNOT GET TOGETHER. HE STATED I AM NOT VERY ANXIOUS FOR YOU SO I SAID OK. AFTER HE MISSED ME AND I WAS NOT HOME HE HAS BEEN ACTING FUNNY. I DON'T GET IT WHAT DID I DO WRONG. NOW I FEEL I SHOULD HAVE JUMPED TO THE OPPORTUNITY BECAUSE HE STATED THAT HE HAS BEEN TIED UP SINCE THEN WHAT DID I DO WRONG. I SHOULD HAVE JUMPED AND I MAY NOT HAVE ANOTHER OPPORTUNITY NOW. CAN YOU TELL ME WHAT I DID WRONG
Expert:  Dr. Keane replied 4 years ago.
Hi, I don't think you really did anything "wrong", he offered to help and when he got the courage up to call you weren't there. For most people, not a big deal. For someone who is as cautious as he is, he may have felt you weren't interested and he's feeling a bit rejected. Remember, he was very hesitant before due to his position at work but that may not have been entirely true, he may be outwardly self confident but maybe inwardly he is a bit shy. So now what, you ask him if he has any time to look at your computer, you make a firm date and time if he says yes and you be there. You shouldn't have jumped, you were at a funeral!!! If he doesn't respond then take a step back. Don't push, he'll come around again. Don't feel you missed an opportunity, it was probably a communication glitch and you can tell him, wow, sorry I miscommunicated when you offered to stop by and fix the computer, the funeral had me a bit upset etc etc...explain what happened, don't tip toe around the situation. That way the next move is back to him. I wouldn't worry, if he is interested he'll be back. You just play it cool and don't chase him.
Please click accept and leave feedback.
Dr. Keane, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1696
Experience: PHD LPC
Dr. Keane and 3 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

i was really shocked because originally he said that he was busy on that day and could do it the next day the next thing i know is he is calling me to come over and he had to come all the way from the west side to thesouth side. i sent him a email and healso sate that hadn't been on line and was working on something important that is why is had emailed me back and that he was not even on line to check cmessage. i thoujght that was strantge. i am scared that i messed but i did not know he wanted to come that bad because he said he was busy that day next thing you know he is coming to fix my computer and he is lmaking a long drive to do it. now i spoke to my friend and he was saying some snipping things like i am just going to take it slow and i may not be good enought for her. i was surprised because he suggested that he come seeme not the opposite. it was as if i have screwed up eveything by what he said to my friend and he knows he will tell me.. when my friend mentioned those items it gave me the impression he was a little jealous and angry. it kind of flared me up so i said if that is how he wants it to be it great. WHAT I DO DO WRONG I MAY NEVER HAVE AN OPPORTUNITY AGAIN FORHIM TO COME OVER. SUDDENLY NOW HE HAS NOT EVEN BEEN ANSWERING MY EMAIL AND SAYING THAT HE HAS BEEN BUSY FOR A ENTIRE WEEK AND HE AS NOT EVEN BEEN ON LINE HE HAS BEEN TIED UP WITH SOMETHING. NOW I AM THINKING THAT I WON'T HAVE THIS OPPORTUNITY AGAIN BECAUSE HE IS ACTING LIKE HE IS TO BUSY TO TALK TO ME AND THE OTHER DAY I WAS TALKING ABOUT ELECTRICAL WORK AND IT IS LIKE HE IS SECRETLY MADE AND REFUSES TO CALL ME NOW I DON'TKNOW WHAT I DID WRONG IT IS ALMOST AS IF HE IS USE TO PEOPLE CHASING HIM BECAUSE SOMEONE OVERHEARD HIM SAYING THAT THE WOMEN AROUND HERE ARE VERY AGGRESSIVE AND HE IS NOT GOING FOR IT. HE MENTIONED THAT HE DOES NOT WANT A SEXUAL HARASSMENT SUIT AND STARTED TELLING ME A STORY ABOUT SOME HIGH VP WHO GOT FIRED DO TO A GIRL AT WORK HE WAS DATING WHO BECAME EXTREMELY JEALOUS AND HE LOST A 200,00 JOB REGARDING IT. NOW I WISH THAT I WAS HOME BECAUSE I MAY NEVER GET THAT CHANCE AGAIN

Customer: replied 4 years ago.
I AM WAITING FOR ANSWER TO ABOVE QUESTION CAN YOU REPLY
Expert:  Dr. Keane replied 4 years ago.
Hi, sorry I wasn't online earlier. I have no idea what he is thinking but I do know that whatever it is he is very reticent about women and sexual harassment suits. I still think you did nothing wrong so stop blaming yourself. If he is acting this way over a one time event I would re-think trying to form a relationship with him. He likes to be in control of the pace and backs off it something is amiss one time? I would step back, don't call him let him decide what he wants to do. He sounds petrified of being sued and losing his position. It could be he is just a worrier but it may be more than that. Don't chase him, don't email him, do the wait and see. You'll get the chance again but for now stop blaming yourself, don't beat yourself up because you weren't home and just be casual when you see him at work. If he does nothing after a short while then he isn't worth the time or effort, he may be more work than you want in the long run.
Please click accept and leave feedback.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

IT IS ALMOST AS IF HE IS MAD BECAUSE HE HAS FINALLY GAVE IN TO SOMEONE. I CAN TELL THAT HE WOULD REALLY BE NICE TO ME BY THE IDEA THAT HE WAS WILLING TO DRIVE FAR AND SIT IN THE CAR AND FIX MY COMPUTER BECAUSE I STATED THAT MY HOUSE WAS NOT IN ORDER. IT WAS ALMOST LIKE HE JUST SNAPPED BACK AND SAID I SHOULDN'T BE FALLING FOR THIS LADY LIKE THIS I AM TO WELL SAUGHT AFTER. IT WAS ALMOST LIKE THERE ARE SO MANY WOMEN CHASING HIM AND HE KNOWS IT. HE KNOWS THAT I AM DEDICATED TO MY ANIMALS AND MY CHURCH AND THAT I DON'T CHASE AND HE WAS REALLY AMUSED WHEN I TOLD HIM THAT I AM TOO PRETTY AND I HAVE TO MUCH GOING FOR MY SELF TO CHASE SO HE SHOULD BE CHASING ME. HE WAS JUST SHOCKED AS IF NOONE HAD TOLD HIM THAT BEFORE. HE WAS JUST LAUGHING BUT HE SAID YES YOU ARE A CATCH BUT NOONE HAS EVER TOLD ME THAT BEFORE. IT IS LIKE NOW HE JUST IS REVERTING BACK TO THAT ATTITUDE OF ALOOFNESS AND THE FRIEND THAT IS GETTING US TOGETHER WHEN HE STATED THAT HE SAID ABOUT TAKING IT SHOW I WAS LIKE I AM NOT RUSHING HIM HE IS THE ONE TRYING TO SEE ME IT KIND OF AGITATED ME SO THEN I SAID IF THAT IS HOW HE WANTS IT O.K. I WILL SEE HIM TOMORROW I HAVE BEEN IN ANOTHER OFFICE AND HAVE NOT SEEN HIM FOR 2 WEEKS. I AM JUST GOING TO SPEAK AND KEEP GOING AND NOT MENTION THAT HE HAS NOT CALLED ME. I AM DISAPOINTED BECAUSE I ALMOST HAD A CHANCE WITH A GREAT CATCH AND NOW I MISSED IT

Customer: replied 4 years ago.
STILL WAITING FOR ANSWER TO NEW QUESTION. BY THE WAY I ACCEPTED AND MADE TRANSFER
Expert:  Dr. Keane replied 4 years ago.
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