He may has cold feet, may not be 100% sure that he is ready for the next step, may have underlying mood disorder which would need to be addressed.
The best thing is to ask him to explain himself by pointing out the discrepancies in his behavior/statements towards you. Let him know that you would like to get clear versus mixed messages from him.
We've been working at this for three years now. He says he has trouble expressing himself (who doesn't really). We had several long talks but it never seems to get anything resolved. He always gives wishy washy answers, always giving himself an 'out'. I have told him that I do not want to get married, but I would feel better if I had a more positive answer that he really wants the things we have talked about ie having a home together. Neither one of us has children (i have a dog) and we both own our own homes so it's not as if either one of is depending on the other financially. He is 15 years my senior (53), so it's not about sex because he's not that amourous. You would think a man of that maturity would have a little bit of a clue as to what he wants in general.
What bothers me the most is that he can go along for years saying that he wants the things like I do and then in one flash say he's had enough and he doesn't love me. I don't understand it (it actually makes me feel ignorant).
I love him and treat him better than I ever did the man I was married too. I'm at my wits end. I have given him everything I have to give but he doesn't seem to comprehend that. Should I just give up??? I don't know what else I could possibly do.