It sounds like the woman in question has some issues that she herself will have to address. You do not have to beat yourself up for the way she reacts. Hopefully she had at some point gotten counseling to deal with the death of her ex.
If she needs time to figure things out, that is understandable and you had done right to give her that space. At time same time, you do not want to feel like she's leading you on either.
Wait a few more days, email or text her and leave it up to her to let you know where she wants to go with this.
When in doubt, it is best to ask her. You do not have to say "is there something wrong" Just kind of inquire how she had been, what is going on with her life, etc. Kind of keep it an open end questions and let her talk if she wants to.
You have to remember that a person decides how to respond to something, what to think etc. You do not have control over that so, do not feel bad about it.
You are also probably correct that since she has had more relationships, she is more capable of switching off her feelings and is most likely just trying to see where this will go.
You would only be sure what is relevant if your bring it to her attention and let her explain. It is possible that she likes your company when with you and then when you're away she focuses on other things. If she is giving you mixed messages you may want to let her know that. A good time to bring it up is when you're together perhaps after dinner over coffee or a glass of wine.
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