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Dr. Keane
Dr. Keane, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1760
Experience:  PHD LPC
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A seven year relationship ends suddenly, rediculously, does

Resolved Question:

A seven year relationship ends suddenly, rediculously, does the dumper EVER regret or carry a flame at all for the dumpee...
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr. Keane replied 6 years ago.

There may always be a "place" in the heart for the dumpee, after all you did have a seven year relationship. I always tell my patients that if you at one time loved someone, whether they leave or die there is always a small part of your heart that holds them there. Sometimes if there is regret and you question the decision it may be a good idea to talk about it in counseling. Who knows, there are people who break up and wind up getting back together. That is the reason it's always a good idea to go to counseling before you make any decisions.
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Customer: replied 6 years ago.
It is very hard for me to understand as he was a bit of a narcissist, I know now that since it has been 5 weeks since the break-up and I have cut all communications, (not that he has not made an attempt) He moved on to someone instantly and rather aggressively. Without asking him I just want clarity as it has been his M.O. in the past to try to get me back... I guess i want the satisfaction of knowing it was difficult for him as he does seem to suddenly be backing off of the current relationship he chose to move on with.
Expert:  Dr. Keane replied 6 years ago.
Hi, okay, except for the narcissist, for them it may be easy to move on and leave chaos in their wake. They do not have much regret for things they do. In fact, they do not take blame for what they do. They like the chase and then the dump. The satisfaction he gets is in "stepping" on people so I suggest you be very careful if heads back in your direction.
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
I Think you hit the nail on the head!:) However I am prepared if he tries. However, do narcissist ever really give up? release what they believe belongs to them? In short I need to know that i have this under control this time.... I feel confident now, but i have not been faced with him trying to come back on the scene. This is the first time that I have gone to such drastic measures to stay completely away from him and cut contact. We have talked only twice in 5 weeks very briefly and both times i re-iterated the no contact rule...
Expert:  Dr. Keane replied 6 years ago.

It's not that they give up, it's that they believe they are different than the rest of the universe, entitled to have what they want. But if you stand confident and say no way to him if he tries to come back then he will go away and believe that it was his decision not yours. He'll go away if you insist on no-contact.
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Customer: replied 6 years ago.
I do have one more question, what type of behavior can i expect if i have made the appearance clear to him that I have moved on happily and that Im not suffering without him.
Expert:  Dr. Keane replied 6 years ago.

I would expect that he would say he is in a situation that is far more happier than your situation. ! He'll be happier and possibly a bit arrogant about it. If he isn't he may just remain quiet and not say much at all. Just know there won't be any real honest interaction.
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Well this was his pattern with his first wife, and we did not marry but lived together for over 7 years after his divorce, although not immediately, but he has a serious problem with vasilating in relationships especially with me. he chose to move on within days of our break-up to someone completely his opposite of me ( we were all stunned)and moved very fast. I would like to think this is a rebound relationship and although it should not matter is it likely that it will last? Bare in mind a week prior to the breakup he laid next to me and stated how thankful he was that I was his woman! (archaic.
Expert:  Dr. Keane replied 6 years ago.

I can't predict what he will do but odds are it won't last, he will keep looking for a woman who he can manipulate and fool. He will appear sincere etc but as his history shows he really can't be invested in anyone but himself. So to answer your question, she'll last until the next one.
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