How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Anna Your Own Question

Anna
Anna, Social Worker
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1945
Experience:  29 years experience in addictions & mental health. I'll tell you my honest opinion.
20023641
Type Your Relationship Question Here...
Anna is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

My boyfriends dad is in prison and my boyfreind is saying

Resolved Question:

My boyfriend's dad is in prison and my boyfreind is saying he can't tell me whether he'll marry me until his father comes out and even then he doesnt know whether his dad will agree or not. Nobody in his family knows about me, whereas members of my family do. I have been with him for almost 5years. How do I go about this? Please help. Thanks
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Anna replied 4 years ago.


Kazzy,

Is he an adult? How does it matter if his father is in prison? Why doesn't his family know you?

Anna
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Hi, Im 21 and he's 23. He doesn't want to tell anyone until his dad is out, he wants to tell everyone at one time.(apparently). His dad is quite religious so I am thinking it might be that he doesnt want to upset his dad...
Expert:  Anna replied 4 years ago.


Hi Kazzy,

I need to tell you some bad news. If your boyfriend isn't mature enough to "upset" his father while he's safely in prison, then how is going to do it in person? He won't. I don't buy any of this. You've dated for 5 years and he hides you "so that he can tell them all at the same time"?!?! Thats preposterous. He's hiding you for some other reason.

You made the decision to date him at 16 years old, and it may have been a great decision then. At 21, you've got to look at this realistically. You're not a part of this guy's life or he's leading a double life. You're being told stories.

Codependency

You really need to talk to someone about this and get some help. I'm afraid you're in for a big, bad surprise, and will have wasted some of the best years of your life. You deserve a relationship where you're help up and admired....celebrated in front of everyone. Not hidden like you're shameful. You deserve better.

Anna
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

Thanks for your answer. If you dont mind commenting on what I have to say now.. I understand exactly what you're saying, because It's how I'm feeling right now.. 5 years is a long time, he could atleast tell someone in his family about me, atleast then I would have some kind of reassurance. I know he loves me, but he has a funny way of showing it! I even cried to my mum after me and him had an argument and blurted out that there was this guy that was "a good friend of mine" and that hopefully one day i'd want to marry him. Our religion doesnt allow boys and girls to mingle and I still told my mother about it, maybe not the full truth, but my mom isn't stupid. What do you think of this? Is there anything I could say to him without him telling him "not to do his head in"?

 

Thanks for listening.

Expert:  Anna replied 4 years ago.


You're welcome, Kazzy.

I don't know what you can say to him. This whole situation is a bit bizarre. He can feel love for you, but he's is not showing you love at all. This has to be very painful for you. All girls and boys find way to communicate, no matter how strict the culture or religion is, and your mum knows this. Like you say, she's not stupid. She is probably hurting for you. Perhaps the best way is for her to help you separate from him so that you might be more "available" to other boys. (not in a bad way)

5 years is just too long for the charade of never meeting his family. His dad is in prison, but too religious to be told something difficult? That would be the best time. Who doesn't think that? This guy is treating you like you're shameful, and you don't deserve that. I think your mum might be your best ally here.

My best to you.

Anna
Anna, Social Worker
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1945
Experience: 29 years experience in addictions & mental health. I'll tell you my honest opinion.
Anna and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
< Last | Next >
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex Los Angeles, CA
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP Hesperia, CA
  • I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion. Justin Kernersville, NC
  • Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around. Esther Woodstock, NY
  • Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know. Robin Elkton, Maryland
  • He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here. Diane Dallas, TX
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DE/deedeeham/2011-1-24_51523_408.64x64.JPG Dear Debra's Avatar

    Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy's Avatar

    Kate McCoy

    Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    1235
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1215
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/CO/CoachJenK/2012-3-9_31019_Jen.64x64.jpg Coach Jen K.'s Avatar

    Coach Jen K.

    LMSW, CPC

    Satisfied Customers:

    726
    Providing the utmost care and support.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/IN/intrapsyc.com/2012-2-20_161928_RGMTPicturex5002012.64x64.png Rafael M.T.Therapist's Avatar

    Rafael M.T.Therapist

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    549
    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/HU/hungryjack20/IMG_1281_edit_2.64x64.jpg Dr. L's Avatar

    Dr. L

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    349
    Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/SU/suzmsw/2011-9-2_184634_Thisone.64x64.JPG Suzanne's Avatar

    Suzanne

    Therapist, LCSW

    Satisfied Customers:

    338
    Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency
 
 
 
Chat Now With A Counselor
Anna
Anna
Clinical Supervisor
203 Satisfied Customers
29 years experience in addictions & mental health. I'll tell you my honest opinion.