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Dr. Keane
Dr. Keane, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1761
Experience:  PHD LPC
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I need advice. I am 25 year old parent and wife, and I am having

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I need advice. I am 25 year old parent and wife, and I am having an issue establishing boundaries with my own parents.

I am estranged from my parents, for constant emotional abuse. I believe my parents to be undiagnosed bi polar sufferers. They will make irrational judgements, say horrible things, and within a day or so forget what they have said completely.

I have asked them to respect my boundaries as an adult, and to not be involved in my life since they are not positive influences in it. My husband is british we moved to England, my father flew to england unannounced showed up on my door step, enough is enough. How can I break ties without them turning it around on me?
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr. Keane replied 6 years ago.
Hi and welcome,

You can break the ties by being firm with them and following through. The fact that your father showed up unannounced is enough. If they ignore any boundaries you have in place I would suggest that you write up a "list" of "rules" and if they don't abide by them (like showing up on your doorstep) don't allow them anything, that means, phone calls, visits, gifts whatever. If one shows up again you have to be tough and tell him he cannot stay in your home. You know it's not you and if they turn it around, let them, it's their problem not yours. Don't allow their words to dictate your response. Ignore them if you feel the need but remember they are mentally ill. Tell them you refuse to have a relationship with abusive judgmental parents and stick to it.
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