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Dr Rossi
Dr Rossi, Licensed Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 4627
Experience:  Certified Hypnotherapist, Author, 13+years of experience.
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My partner and I were 2gether for 14 years. We have always

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My partner and I were 2gether for 14 years. We have always been v close, best friends . 7 years ago my partner had an affair . we got back together and returned to another 7 years of happy time.

In the last year she changed career as she felt under stress. Her income dropped considerably and she was unhappy and insecure about the balance in our relationship. I also suffered stress at work that got me down, made me lose sleep and affected how close we were. We never argued or had crossed words and physically we were still very close.

since Sept my partner started to go out with her friends every weekend, leaving me at home. at the start of dec she said that she felt that we were having problems and that we needed time apart. since then we have spoken seriously only twice as she was unwilling to discuss us. Last week we met and she said that she was unsyre about or future, I broke things off as i couldnt wait in limbo. now she wants us to befriends, to meet up and chat. Is it over?
Submitted: 7 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr Rossi replied 7 years ago.

Good Evening,


All relationships at times enter into a stagnation mode (partners become complacent in the relationship, external stressors put a strain on it, one of the partners may become disillusioned that happiness and satisfaction are to be found elsewhere-the reasons can be many)


Infidelity is one sight that one of the partners is seeking something else out of the relationship. You've shared that you've been left behind when she's out with others. That too is another sign.


You were right not wanting to be in limbo as that is not fair to you.


Only the two of you could decide if things are over. If you still want to give the relationship a chance and she's willing, then couple's counseling is one option. Other options would be to have a talk and figure out what each one wants from the relationship and expects of the other. Try to see where she thinks the relationship would be let's say in 6 months, 1 year and it the next 5 years. You have already been together for quite some time yet, it is never late to find out what makes each one unhappy and unsettled.


If you do not trust her and feel that the spark and the future with ere gone for you (and have not interest in wasting energy without knowing what the outcome would be), then it is over for the relationship.


Breaking Up Blues: A Guide to Survival and Growth by Deni Cullington (Paperback - May 14, 2008)


Couple's Communication Made Easy - Audio CD (Jun 2007)




Customer: replied 7 years ago.
She doesnt want to discuss any potential romantic relationship at all and wants only to work on being friends. I think couples counselling is off the menu. she admits that shes confused and doesnt know what will happen but also that she is still attracted to me and has feels of love for me. Your response helped but can i ask for clarification. If she doesnt want to discuss us as a couple, but thats the only way i can see us, should i go along with meeting up and working on a friendship that, for me, is based on false pretences as i have hopes that it would become something more. I fear that to enter into that kind of dynamic would be very painful and damaging for me, but would assuage her guilt at hurting. Having a more distant relationship would be painful fo rme now but might be more honest to me in the future. What do you think?
Expert:  Dr Rossi replied 7 years ago.
You would not want to become hurt and disappointed again. Perhaps the wick of this specific relationship had burnet out. This time do what makes YOU happy; it sounds you've already given her a chance in the past and spent lots of time with her in this relationship. This time is YOUR time to do what would make you happir without getting stuck.
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