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Anna
Anna, Social Worker
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1945
Experience:  29 years experience in addictions & mental health. I'll tell you my honest opinion.
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I left a relationship in the past 6 months that had lasted

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I left a relationship in the past 6 months that had lasted for 9 years. I felt I was treated disrespectfully XXXXX XXXXX I struggled for years to leave because I truly loved this man and had hopes of change, and mostly because we have children in common, we were never married, because he did not want to get married, and I always had issues with that among many other issues dealing with finalncial responsibilities and security for me and my other children from a previous marriage that had left me widowed. I moved out and subsequently met a wonderful man who is thoughtful, respectful, kind to me and my children, has been a great friend and encourager, who supports me without control or manipulation. I don't know if I am in love with this person but feel that we have a great foundation for that to develop, although we are romantic with one another.. My previous partner is now trying with all his might to get back and I need help in deciding whether I should give him a chance.
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Anna replied 4 years ago.


Hi liney,

Run. Don't walk. This is a standard situation that abusive people engage in. Abusers want control and domination. Think about this from his side of things: what it looks like to him is that he's really, really, really losing control now. You got away, but now you're getting free - he knows this in the core of his being. Read back over what you wrote in your post, and you'll have your answer. Why in the world would you go back to someone you struggled so hard to get away from? Nine years together and children and he wouldn't marry you? In the best of situations, that was unkind. Seduction is part of the emotional abuse cycle, and if you let him, he'll pull you back in....back into the same relationship that took you so long to exit. I say run.

I'm going to give you a couple articles to read, and I suggest that you print them out and read them whenever you feel weak. Go to a realtionship that nurtures your soul, not one that drains it.

Rules of The Game
emotional abuse

You deserve a full, committed relationship from your partner, and you've met a person who may be able to give you that - don't let this other guy from the past ruin that for you.

If you would, please fill out the feedback form after accepting. I appreciate this opportunity to help you out today. If I can be of further service to you, just put "for Anna" in the front of your new question, and I'll be the one to answer it.

Thanks!

Anna

Anna, Social Worker
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1945
Experience: 29 years experience in addictions & mental health. I'll tell you my honest opinion.
Anna and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
I just got the chance to look at your response, and WOW the articles you referred me to was very accurate! I related strongly to the information that was given, I saw exactly what I have been dealing with all these years, and it has been so hard just to try to explain how damaging his behavior has been to me because of course he turns and twists everything to be my fault and to make me think I am the one with all the problems and I am the one that is to blame for everything. My life has just not made any logical sense to me for so long, I dont trust my feelings and feel like I am living in the twighlight zone with him! Thank you for passing this info on to me, I recognize that coming from an abusive family, I was attracted to this and was not been able to open my eyes to it before, now and then I would, but fell back into it repeatedly. I am going to a counselor and I want to learn to break this cycle and I think you have been a great help to me in seeing this.THANK YOU!
Expert:  Anna replied 4 years ago.
You're so welcome, Liney. Be good to yourself, and enjoy your life.
Anna

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