How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Anna Your Own Question

Anna , Social Worker
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1945
Experience:  29 years experience in addictions & mental health. I'll tell you my honest opinion.
Type Your Relationship Question Here...
Anna is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

My fiance and I recently became engaqed (1 month ago). WEve

Resolved Question:

My fiance and I recently became engaqed (1 month ago). WE've been together for 3 years and I have always had a good relationship w/ his family. His mother is aware of personal troubles I have, i.e., a disability that limits my ability to work FT. Anyway, she has always told me how highly she thinks of me and how strong I have proven to be. However, as soon as we phoned her to tell his family about the engagement, everything changed. She was clearly shocked & not happy. And today I came across a letter she sent to my fiance regarding her "concerns" over our engagement. She said that it is a serious commitment to make to someone with a disabiity & other medical condistions, that she & her husband hope that this is a "very long" engagement, and that the topic of children shoould be addressed. She wrote that someone with my condition (disability) is not equipped to handle parenthood and could very possibly do actual harm to a child.

I am a college grad w/ many years of prof. work experience, volunteer commitments, and family commitments as well. I haven't worked in a little over a year due to health problems. But, my point here is that I am a strong, educated, and competent professional despite my disability.

Why is she being fake to me and writing intrusive and cruel leters to my fiance? What can I do? I feel so betrayed. I'm supposed to spend the weekend with my future in-laws for Xmas, but I feel like I can't even go now. Any advice/insight?
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Anna replied 6 years ago.

Hi Shoshanna,

Wow. What a betrayal. First off, you need to know that you get to have whatever feelings you have about reading that letter. You're in shock, hurt and angry. I would talk to your friends and family and let people close to you support you in your healing from that wound.

As your emotions settle, I think you should also look at her position in this. She has a right to be as shocked, scared and angry about her son's engagement as anyone. How she handled it is what you have the problem with. If her relationship with you has been good, then I would see this as something that needs to be talked about openly and worked through. All parents react to their children's engagements - some do it well, and others act in ways that they might want to retract with hindsight. She isn't the first mom to have a spaz, but she's your future MIL, and that makes it your problem.

I think it's going to be a pretty rough weekend if you go. Only you can decide if it would be too harsh an action to not many other people are involved...what level of planning has already taken place....expense involved...things like that. If there are a lot of others around, it's probably safer. If it's just going to be a quiet, intimate time, it may be the perfect time to get it on the table and talk about it.

What my point is, is that you both have strong feelings about an event that may not stay at the hieght they are now, and you're looking at a lifetime of future interactions. Make peace with yourself by knowing who you are and allowing her to be mistaken about you. We all have to let others be wrong sometimes. Where the line gets drawn is what kind of boundary you want to set with how she treats you. It is possible to just tell her that you read the letter and it hurt you greatly, and that you hope that in the future she is able to get over her reaction and to see you as bigger than your disability.

If you would, please fill out the feedback form after accepting. I appreciate this opportunity to help you out today, and I've done my best to give you a direct, informed response to your question. If you feel my professional answer is worth more than your original bid, a bonus is the way to show it. If I can be of further service to you, just put "for Anna" in the front of your new question, and I'll be the one to answer it.



Anna, Social Worker
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1945
Experience: 29 years experience in addictions & mental health. I'll tell you my honest opinion.
Anna and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you

JustAnswer in the News:

Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.

What Customers are Saying:

  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
< Previous | Next >
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex Los Angeles, CA
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP Hesperia, CA
  • I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion. Justin Kernersville, NC
  • Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around. Esther Woodstock, NY
  • Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know. Robin Elkton, Maryland
  • He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here. Diane Dallas, TX

Meet The Experts:

  • Kate McCoy

    Kate McCoy


    Satisfied Customers:

    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
< Last | Next >
  • Kate McCoy's Avatar

    Kate McCoy


    Satisfied Customers:

    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
  • Rafael M.T.Therapist's Avatar

    Rafael M.T.Therapist


    Satisfied Customers:

    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
  • Ms Chase's Avatar

    Ms Chase

    Life Coach

    Satisfied Customers:

    Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
  • Alicia_MSW's Avatar



    Satisfied Customers:

    Specializing in relationship/family counseling
  • Dr. Norman Brown's Avatar

    Dr. Norman Brown

    Marriage Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    Family Therapist & teacher 35+ yrs; PhD research in couples
  • Dr. L's Avatar

    Dr. L


    Satisfied Customers:

    Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.
  • Suzanne's Avatar


    Therapist, LCSW

    Satisfied Customers:

    Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency

Related Relationship Questions