It may be possible that your wife has another coexisting disorder in addition to ADHD.
You're reporting mood swings and lack of affection and past trauma (PTSD/victim of sexual abuse, etc)
Besides her staying in her own therapy and the two of you going to a couple's therapist, there is not much you can do besides encourage her to remain in treatment, to take her medication and at times give her some space if needed (do not engage in arguments or anything with her for the time being,) try to be supportive and listen to her.
Perhaps she feels bad about what is taking place as well. Of course, issues ought to be addressed and lots of family work and her working in her individual therapy must be consistent.