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Dr Rossi
Dr Rossi, Licensed Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 4627
Experience:  Certified Hypnotherapist, Author, 13+years of experience.
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My husband and I separated 3 months ago. He has been coming

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My husband and I separated 3 months ago. He has been coming over on the weekends but tells me he's not sure what he wants. He says sometimes he's excited to come for the weekend but sometimes no big deal. He tells me he doesn't want anyone else but likes it like it is now. I also found him chatting with someone on Ashley Madison. What do I do to make him want to come back or am I crazy?
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr Rossi replied 6 years ago.

Good Afternoon,


It sounds like he is trying to have both worlds- you in his life (possibly because he is used to you/comfortable/will not have to impress you all over, etc and at the same time wanting to lead the life of a single guy (having access to other women and his own time)


You will want to decide for yourself if you want to take another chance at possibly being hurt and disappointed and always watching over your shoulder.

If he tells you that he is confused and you want to give it a try, the best thing to do is to see a couple's counselor who can help the two of you sort priorities out.

Customer: replied 6 years ago.
He is not going to agree to a counselor. He tells me he doesn't want anyone else and isn't looking but not willing to commit to moving back in yet. Am I supposed to give him space - would that make him miss me or decide what he wants. Do I ever confront him and tell him I know he is on Ashley Madison? I just don't know where to go from here. I want it to work but don't want to waste my time if he's playing me. If I need to restart the grieving process I don't want to delay. I really want it to work but need him to be crazy about me - any suggestions on how to make him crazy for me?
Expert:  Dr Rossi replied 6 years ago.

You do what makes YOU better, happier and in control. Why should you accommodate him if he does not even want to see a counselor. If it makes you better to confront him, go for it. He could see that you are someone taking up for herself and that you know what he is up to. If he had disappointed you once, he may do it again. Past behavior predicts future behavior (unless he wants to chase) and of what you've shared he does not really want to do so.


You may not be able to make him crazy about you if he is not. That comes from him and he ought to be crazy about the woman you are not a fantasy (and that is probably what he is after) All fantasies fade sooner or later.

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Customer: replied 6 years ago.

He doesn't know it but I am the girl he is talking to on Ashley Madison. I saw an email that he signed up so I did to. Should I agree as this girl to meet him and then I show up? If I "out" him now and continue the relationship I will lose insight as to what he is up to and also fear he will never talk to me again. Does it cost add'l for ea question and response? Or just once for the session. I'm so confused - think he really cares and loves me but I don't like his hesitation to commit to working to move back - I would want to take more time but scared about where his head is. Don't know why I want to make it work so bad but just do but don't want to set myself up for another heartbreak.


Do you think telling I need some time for myself will make him think about what he wants and if he is willing to put forth the effort? Honestly - am I just stupid?

Expert:  Dr Rossi replied 6 years ago.

I am not sure if dishonesty would be to your advantage. Taking time for yourself may be helpful.. You probably want to make things work because you miss him.

You make one deposit and the expert gets paid once only after you click accept (if you click accept more than once then they get paid again)

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