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Dr. Keane
Dr. Keane, Counselor
Category: Relationship
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Experience:  PHD LPC
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I am dating a man (he is 56 and I am 50) for 7 months now.

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I am dating a man (he is 56 and I am 50) for 7 months now. I have no doubt that he loves me as I love him. We definitely hit it off. We seem perfect for each other. Before me, he went out on a date with a girl for only a few dates. She from time to time will forward him e-mails just jokes, etc., however, she sent him one the other day that was personal and my boyfriend deleted it so I could not read it and he also did not read it. Of course this upset me, I felt like I have been fooled. I am with my boyfriend always and we are on the phone always if we are not together and so I know he has not seen her without a doubt and she apparently has been e-mailing him because he knows she might have said something I would not like to read. Now I am suspicious of him, don't know if I can trust him and I feel like he betrayed me. At the same time like I said he is only with me, there is no time at all for him to be with her. I don't know how to react to this. He does not appear guilty at all.
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr. Keane replied 4 years ago.
Hi and welcome,

It's easy for me to say "don't worry" because from all you've said in your post he sounds as though he is totally committed to you. But, from your viewpoint I understand how easy it is to question the motive behind her emails. If he is fully invested in your relationship and you know he loves you and is with you either in person or on the phone then you need to trust that he is not interested in her. She may other motives but that is her problem not yours, or it could be totally innocent forwards, jokes etc. If he only went on a few dates with her he isn't interested.
Trust and honesty are the cornerstones of any relationship, if you have been hurt or betrayed before this may be playing into your fear. Tell him what you feel and what you need from him in regard to this person. Say it in a calm way. "I feel uncomfortable with her sending you emails, I would feel better if you would block her email address". Sometimes it's hard to say things that are honest but in the long run, it's best.
The feelings you are having are no doubt real, but are they valid? Instead of feeling "fooled" or "betrayed", put the focus on you two, tell yourself that you are feeling good that you and he have developed a great relationship and you chose each other. Put the focus on the positive and don't let old hurts intrude on this relationship.
I hope this helps.
Dr. Keane, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1710
Experience: PHD LPC
Dr. Keane and 2 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you

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