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Anna
Anna, Social Worker
Category: Relationship
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Experience:  29 years experience in addictions & mental health. I'll tell you my honest opinion.
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My fiance and I have been together for 3 years. He prefers

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My fiance and I have been together for 3 years. He prefers to get married in Dec 2010 but I don't want to due to school and other constraints. I've broached the subject of getting married in August 2010 but he thinks that will be too soon, although by that time it will have already been a year since we've been engaged. I've tried to talk to him about it but it always blows up into this overdramatic fight with him then saying that I pushed him into getting engaged and so forth (we had broken up before). I don't know what to do
Submitted: 7 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Anna replied 7 years ago.


Hi 2muchdrama,

This isn't a good situation, and I recommend that you take a big step back and really look at what you're getting into. When a guy says something like that (you pushing him into it), he's already paving a road for a way out of the relationship.

He's telling you that he doesn't feel ready to be married, and he's telling you that he really isn't ready to be engaged. You need to step back and really listen to that message. This is not something you want to be fighting about and setting up the scene where you're the mom and he's the adolescent boy who keeps trying to get out of mowing the yard.

Those relationships don't make people happy, and so often end in divorce, with the guy saying the same lines at the end of the marriage just like they said them before it.

If and when he is ready to make a mature committment to you and take full responsibility for himself within that relationship, you won't have any doubts about it at all. There will be no drama involved. He'll be a solid man who knows what he wants asking you to be his partner for life. Anything less than that doesn't bode well.

I'd recommend that you sit down with him and have a serious talk. No whinning or drama. A mature discussion where you tell him what you want and listen to him tell you what he wants. Sit at a table across from each other - not on the couch. Above all else, listen to what he tells you and believe it to be true. Don't try to convince him of anything. Getting married is so much more than an engagement or wedding date,but those things are so big, they can easily overshadow things like the desire to be married slipping away. Take your time. Talk to him. Listen and believe what he tells you if he says he isn't ready.

Anna

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