How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Dr Rossi Your Own Question

Dr Rossi
Dr Rossi, Licensed Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 4627
Experience:  Certified Hypnotherapist, Author, 13+years of experience.
19260254
Type Your Relationship Question Here...
Dr Rossi is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

Hi, a few days ago I discovered I was pregnant. I am a 32 year

Resolved Question:

Hi, a few days ago I discovered I was pregnant. I am a 32 year old and have been dating my boyfriend for 6 months. He is 41 and has two children from a previous relationship. We all get on really well and he is a very good father and sees them every day. We really love each other and up until about 3 months ago everything was going fine. Then he started to panic that he didn't want anymore children. He knew I did want children so really thought he had better end it with me. My last relationship ended because the guy I was with didn't want anymore children and i got very hurt. Although he was aware of that he initially (in the first 3 months of our relationship) didn't see it as a problem and felt he could have more children. At one point he said to me if you come off the pill don't tell me, and unfortunately thats what I did and now he wants me to terminate the pregnancy. I feel I have tricked him and dont want to hurt him but I am very depressed can't stop crying/shaking.
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  arbagel replied 5 years ago.
Hello,

I am sorry that this is happening to you. It must be very stressful and isolating.

May I ask how I can help you today?

Dr Abby
Customer: replied 5 years ago.

Hi, when I talk to him about it he just says he cannot go through it all again as it isn't what he wants. He is so negative he just thinks that because he doesn't want it, it will not work. I think his view is based on his past experience. He has pretty much brought up his two children by himself and loves them dearly. I want him to talk to someone about this because our relationship is great apart from this. I feel so rejected by him and very confused. I don't know what to say to him to stop him thinking like this and to see it differently. Financially we will be fine, we both own our own houses and he knows how well I get on with all his family, I can not see a problem with our future other than his negativity and worry about it all going wrong. I think he is depressed and thinking irrationally and yet I also feel I am trapping him and hurting him if I go through with the pregnancy.

How can I get him to see he needs to talk to someone about this other than me?

Expert:  arbagel replied 5 years ago.
Thank you for the information...
Again I am sorry you are going through this.

I believe this is more a relationship question than medical so I am going to opt out and let a relationship expert answer for you.

Dr Abby
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Ok thank you.
Expert:  Dr Rossi replied 5 years ago.

Good Morning,

 

You have not per se tricked him. In some cases when a woman is on the pill she can still get pregnant.

It is not uncommon for a man who already has children from another relationship to all of a sudden realize that he did not want to have more children (even if it is with the person he loves at the present time- you)

He is also a bit older than you (around this time-middle age, people start to make plans for retirement and if he is to think about raising a child is costly. He may not want to have a child in his 20's when he is about to retire (because of many reasons such as having to pay for college, the fact that his time will be occupied, etc.)

 

Couple's counseling may be quite helpful for both of you to help each person clarify their goals. This can also be a temporary feeling on his part; people can change.

 

For any relationship to succeed, both partners must be on the same page and have somewhat similar goals (for the relationship as a whole)

Dr Rossi, Licensed Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 4627
Experience: Certified Hypnotherapist, Author, 13+years of experience.
Dr Rossi and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
< Last | Next >
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex Los Angeles, CA
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP Hesperia, CA
  • I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion. Justin Kernersville, NC
  • Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around. Esther Woodstock, NY
  • Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know. Robin Elkton, Maryland
  • He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here. Diane Dallas, TX
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DE/deedeeham/2011-1-24_51523_408.64x64.JPG Dear Debra's Avatar

    Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy's Avatar

    Kate McCoy

    Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    1235
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1215
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/CO/CoachJenK/2012-3-9_31019_Jen.64x64.jpg Coach Jen K.'s Avatar

    Coach Jen K.

    LMSW, CPC

    Satisfied Customers:

    726
    Providing the utmost care and support.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/IN/intrapsyc.com/2012-2-20_161928_RGMTPicturex5002012.64x64.png Rafael M.T.Therapist's Avatar

    Rafael M.T.Therapist

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    549
    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/HU/hungryjack20/IMG_1281_edit_2.64x64.jpg Dr. L's Avatar

    Dr. L

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    349
    Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/SU/suzmsw/2011-9-2_184634_Thisone.64x64.JPG Suzanne's Avatar

    Suzanne

    Therapist, LCSW

    Satisfied Customers:

    338
    Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency
 
 
 
Chat Now With A Counselor
Dr Rossi
Dr Rossi
826 Satisfied Customers
Certified Hypnotherapist, Author, 13+years of experience.