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Hi, when I talk to him about it he just says he cannot go through it all again as it isn't what he wants. He is so negative he just thinks that because he doesn't want it, it will not work. I think his view is based on his past experience. He has pretty much brought up his two children by himself and loves them dearly. I want him to talk to someone about this because our relationship is great apart from this. I feel so rejected by him and very confused. I don't know what to say to him to stop him thinking like this and to see it differently. Financially we will be fine, we both own our own houses and he knows how well I get on with all his family, I can not see a problem with our future other than his negativity and worry about it all going wrong. I think he is depressed and thinking irrationally and yet I also feel I am trapping him and hurting him if I go through with the pregnancy.
How can I get him to see he needs to talk to someone about this other than me?
You have not per se tricked him. In some cases when a woman is on the pill she can still get pregnant.
It is not uncommon for a man who already has children from another relationship to all of a sudden realize that he did not want to have more children (even if it is with the person he loves at the present time- you)
He is also a bit older than you (around this time-middle age, people start to make plans for retirement and if he is to think about raising a child is costly. He may not want to have a child in his 20's when he is about to retire (because of many reasons such as having to pay for college, the fact that his time will be occupied, etc.)
Couple's counseling may be quite helpful for both of you to help each person clarify their goals. This can also be a temporary feeling on his part; people can change.
For any relationship to succeed, both partners must be on the same page and have somewhat similar goals (for the relationship as a whole)