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Ask Dr Rossi Your Own Question

Dr Rossi
Dr Rossi, Licensed Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 4627
Experience:  Certified Hypnotherapist, Author, 13+years of experience.
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I was separated from my wife for 2 years, now recently divorced.

Customer Question

I was separated from my wife for 2 years, now recently divorced. I met a new woman about 6 months ago and have been dating her, but now she is tired of waiting for me as I have been in a funk and not being too proactive about making decisions or giving her space in my apartment to leave her stuff when she stays over. I want out relationship to continue, I'm interested in a long term experience with her, but she says I contradict myself when I talk about things to her. I want her, love her, and am trying to be strong. What am I doing wrong?
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr Rossi replied 6 years ago.

Good Morning,


It is not an issue of you doing something wrong. She could be misinterpreting the signals you are sending. It appears that the two of you want a committed relationship and you've mentioned wanting a long term relationship. Since you have neither engaged or made more specific plans only after 6 months (which is wise and it does make sense) you do have a right to privacy and some kind of freedom (that includes not jumping to hasty decisions and having her things in the apartment)

What you are doing is wise to take things at a normal pace. Six months is really not such a long time dating someone. You are also divorced and caution on your part is only a healthy response.

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Customer: replied 6 years ago.
We got close very quickly and it seems that she is tired of packing up a night bag for staying over, tired of not being invited to stay(I kind of never thought I needed to), she doesn't want to make all the plans any more. She wants me to be strong and decisive and supportive and nurturing. It all sounds great to me!! But then why aren't she and I like that then, or me? I do make decisions but I guess not as much on an even scale as she would like. I do love her, and want to spend my time with her in any way we can. She often asks me what am I waiting for? I tell her that I am cautious because I jumped too fast into my previous marriage and I think it's smart to take time to grow together while still living apart to continue building a strong foundation. She doesn't seem to get that, she feels that if we do want this much time together then its only natural to live together and take that step. If something feels good you want to feel good more! It all makes sense, but it seems to be absent of stability? Am I being clear?
Expert:  Dr Rossi replied 6 years ago.
It seems a communication issue. I am not sure that her pressuring you is the correct thing to do as each person moves at their own pace. So, what seems to her as taking long time may seem to you as the logical length of time taking for two people to get to know each other more. Wanting to feel good really fast and all of the time is not always a good thing because when a disappointment comes along the way (all relationships have those) then the fall is harder. Perhaps try to gently point out to her that people have a different idea of how long it takes for something to come to solidifying and let her know that you want to make sure that she is comfortable with that. Let her tell you why the haste on her end.

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