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Dr.G.
Dr.G., Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1467
Experience:  Licensed Psychologist in the state of Minnesota
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My real mom pasted away when I was 3 1/2 yrs. old. My dad remarried

Customer Question

My real mom pasted away when I was 3 1/2 yrs. old. My dad remarried 3 years later. I now have a step- sister and brother. My brother is great. My step sister is evil. My step mom always takes her side. I told my dad the other day she is still be mean and tells people she does not know my phone #. Although she knows it if she needs something. My dad acted totally surpurised. I feel like the outsider in my own family. It hurts so bad I just want my mom back and to be a real family. I am 31 and have a terrific husband and 2 wonderful childern of my own but still have sadness.

How do I handle this ongoing fight with my step sister who can be super nice or as evil as can be. My step mother and my dad have also hurt my feelings I feel as thought my dad loves my step mom and sister more.

Thanks
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr.G. replied 4 years ago.
Hi there. I am sorry to hear about your mistreatment and sadness over your mother. A couple of things come to mind about your situation. First off, you can't overlook the good things in your life. Terrific husband and wonderful children is nothing to shake a stick at so remind yourself and focus on the things that bring you joy. That would be a good way to overcome your sadness. Second, why are you giving so much power to this brat of a sister you have to let her effect you? If she wants to be mean then draw the line in the sand and say if she acts certain ways towards me then I will not talk to her. She needs to treat me with respect or you won't have a relationship with her. Same can go with the stepmom. We call this setting boundaries with people. If they choose to treat you in a certain way then they choose the consequence of that behavior which hopefully for you would be that you would not talk to them. You need to lay it out to them as clear as possible that you will not tolerate their behavior and if they want a relationship with you then they need to be kind to you. I think you can do this. Third, with the sadness over your mom, may I recommend to touch base with a therapist just for a session or two to see if there are unresolved issues that can still be affecting you. By no means am I saying you are crazy, but just to have someone to talk to about your feelings, sometimes a husband is not enough, may do you a world of good. You can also identify other ways to handle your family if you wanted to. Good luck to you and take care. Let me know if I can help further.
Dr.G., Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1467
Experience: Licensed Psychologist in the state of Minnesota
Dr.G. and 2 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
What do I tell my dad for Thanksgiving? He said they were going to be home. So I offered to cook. He said why don't you come up here. I said I would have to see if my husband (who will not go there with me) if he already told his mom we were coming down there. My mother in law called to see if we were coming down there and I said yes. Do I just tell my dad I don' t want to come because of my step sister? How can I better communicate with my father we talk 3 days a week but he ignores the problems with my step sister and step mother and pretends everything is fine.
Expert:  Dr.G. replied 4 years ago.
Tell your dad you have other plans if that is the case. If the real answer is because of your sister then you need to be straight with him and say as long as I am treated in a poor manner then you will not go over there. I am not sure how much your dad can influence you sister but you can be honest with him and tell him the problem. Not to say that things will change but just so he knows where you are coming from so that he is not caught off guard when you don;t come over. You need to be honest about your feelings and then stick to your guns when it comes to not engaging in that bad behavior. Let them live in fantasy world all they want because pretending does not get anywhere. Maybe if you start to distance yourself from them then they just might get the picture that there is a real problem going on. Hope this helps.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
I want to give you a positive and don't know how?
Expert:  Dr.G. replied 4 years ago.
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