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Dr. Keane
Dr. Keane, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1709
Experience:  PHD LPC
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Hi my names Rachael, im 19years old. Im having a couple of

Customer Question

Hi my names Rachael, im 19years old. Im having a couple of problems with my boyfriend who is 19 also. We have been together for nearly 3years. Sometimes i jump to conclusions and think the worst but i dont know whether im right or whether i should just calm down.He has a very busy lifestyle at the moment and i can only see him once a week when it suits him. It just doesnt feel like he is putting any effort into this relationship, i offered to go out for dinner this week but he said he would let me know but i havent heard anything =(. he text message me saying hi, but he never bothered to text me back for the whole night when i think he went to his mates bday party.I just feel he doesnt care at all when i know he probly does...i dont know what to do =/ I miss him alot, but he seems fine not been able to see me. Do i need to calm down or do something about it?
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr. Keane replied 5 years ago.
Hi,
If you are feeling that he doesn't care and that he is not putting enough into the relationship then you are probably right on with your feeling. Right now he is in "control" of this relationship. Has he been like this for the entire three years? or is it something relatively new? At your age and after this period of time together maybe the relationship is winding down. I would suggest you have a chat with him about how committed he is to you and if he says he doesn't know then it's probably time for you to do something about it which would probably be to let it end and move on. You are way too young to spend your time waiting for him to put more effort into the two of you as a couple.
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Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Yes it is relatively new that he has the control, really new infact. I used to have it a couple of months for a long time but since he has been getting busier i have been getting wound up about not seeing him enough.I dont want to put pressure on him but i just really feel he doesnt want to spend time with me..he will just say to that because he has been busy. but you are right if you love someone you will put the effort in. I really want to be with him and i dont want to end it but im sick of feeling left on the sideline.How do i get the control back??
Expert:  Dr. Keane replied 5 years ago.
Hi,
That's the thing about relationships, there shouldn't be any control. There should be mutual respect and understanding for each other. Listen to your gut. It's giving you a lot of information. It's like a dance, who's leading and who's following (actually a good book , called dance of intimacy). In a relationship like yours, you had control before (you were leading the dance) it changed (now he is) and you want it to change back (you want the lead), how? you start doing what you want to do, you start ignoring his texts, stop asking for his time and see what happens. If he is still in love and invested in the relationship he follow your lead. If not, then you'll know....
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Thankyou so much, thats what i will do. He texted me back just before saying his phone died, but hes texing me now asking how my week has been etc. will see how it goes thanks again =) !!
Expert:  Dr. Keane replied 5 years ago.
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Dr. Keane
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