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Dr. Keane
Dr. Keane, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1761
Experience:  PHD LPC
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My oldest daughter (25) is engaged to be married. Family

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My oldest daughter (25) is engaged to be married. Family is important to her and she thinks it is important that her family (me, and her 2 sisters) meet her fiance's mother. So, she has asked that we all have our Thanksgiving meal at her future mother-in-laws house. It is difficult to say no to her, because she gets really stressed out when things aren't going her way. I told her I didn't want to meet his mother on Thanksgiving, and that I wanted to have a little family meal at my house and hoped that she and her fiance would join us. And I suggested they could also spend some time at his mother's on Thanksgiving as well. She said she isn't interested in going two places on Thanksgiving. And she still wanted us to go to the future mother-in-laws house. Her two sisters (21 and 22 yrs old), who are all very close, do not want to go either. They think it is ridiculous for her to think that we should. She also wants to invite my brother (her uncle) and my
Submitted: 7 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr. Keane replied 7 years ago.
Hi and welcome,

Right now your daughter wants to "do what's right" and have everyone get together and meet. Like you, I agree that Thanksgiving is not the time or place for this meeting. Your idea of hosting the meeting family meal is what is "right" according to rules of etiquette. Maybe you should buy her bridal planning book, that has all the information on the etiquette rules, duties of bride's family and groom's family. That may ease her stress. If she gets stressed because things just don't go her way that's her problem and you don't need to upset your entire family because of her wishes. I know it may affect everyone but if she feels she wants to go to her future husband's family then she can go. I think your suggestion was very fair and something a lot of couples do, stop by both places. I notice your post stopped before you were finished writing but basically you are thinking the right way. Don't buy into her demands or her stress.
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Customer: replied 7 years ago.
Thank you. XXXXX was cut of during typing because I maxed my word limit. But you got it without me writing any further. I just have one question about your answer. You wrote "Your idea of hosting the meeting family meal is what is "right" according to rules of etiquette ". Did you mean to write the word "meeting" in that sentence ?
Expert:  Dr. Keane replied 7 years ago.
Hi, sorry it wasn't clear. You had the right idea , it's your responsibility to host the meal where both families meet for the first time. If I put "meeting" that's what it meant....the "meeting" meal. Good luck
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