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Dr Rossi
Dr Rossi, Licensed Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 4627
Experience:  Certified Hypnotherapist, Author, 13+years of experience.
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I am facing a probelm with my wife which is that she is most

Customer Question

I am facing a probelm with my wife which is that she is most of the time negative. When i come from work she will nag about something she did not like. I even traveled for the first time since i got married with my friends, and i was excited to call her from where i was and tell here what ive done, instead i had to hear nag about things she disliked either with my family or with the driver etc. and when i told her that i do not want to hear anything negative anymore she was very defensive and now shes giving me the silent treatment. what do i do?
Submitted: 7 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr Rossi replied 7 years ago.

Good Morning,

 

If you wife had been negative most of the time or most recently would make a difference.

Some people are naturally pessimistic and focus on the negative things. That is more of a personality trait and difficult to change.

If she has become negative more recently, she may be having some personal issues and instead of dealing with them, displacing her feelings onto others (in this case you)

This may be caused by different things such as feeling depressed, hormonal changes (a hormonal panel test can detect any abnormalities) or dealing with some kind of a stressor ineffectively (instead of addressing it, focusing on other things as a way of distracting herself)

One one to address this problem with her is when you find her in a more agreeable mood to make some time just to talk about it and for you to voice your concerns. She may feel that she is being attacked personally so a good approach would be to initially inquire as to how she's been feeling, if there is anything on her mind that may be upsetting or stressing her and then point out to her your observation. Instead of telling her that she's nagging, perhaps phrase it like "you seem unhappy or dissatisfied" Ask her if there are things that she would like to change and then let her know that her statements are affecting you and that you're not sure why she may be saying things like that. You can also inquire about how she would feel if you are always focusing on the negative.

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