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Dr.G., Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1467
Experience:  Licensed Psychologist in the state of Minnesota
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I have no idea what to do. My boss is my age, and seems to

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I have no idea what to do. My boss is my age, and seems to be showing me a ton of attention lately.

To be honest, I find him very attractive but I seem to be wired with the innate ability to act as though I don't care for him. This doesn't seem to bother him, however. He frequently lets me come in to the office and just talk to him for hours about whatever is on my mind, and we flirt constantly.

I think where I'm getting the crush vibe is the fact that he touches me a lot (so cheesy, but prolonged high-fives and tapping me on the shoulders and arms constantly), and he genuinely listens to me when I talk to him... I mean like stop-what-I-was-doing, give-you-my-full-attention kind of listening. In fact, a few nights ago I was in the office and we started talking about an issue I was having with my family; I felt like I was wasting his time talking to him about the situation, and he simply smiled and said "I'm listening.Keep going." We're always the last people to leave the office, and as of late he has mentioned (in passing) that he'd like me to meet his parents.

Here's the question part of all of this: a) Am I reading too much into it, or does he genuinely seem to be into me? and b) We're both single, but he is casually seeing a girl that he has already told me he doesn't have romantic feelings for. Should I give him up for her sake, or is he just trying to push me so that I'll give him more encouragement?
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr.G. replied 6 years ago.
Well a few questions come to mind. Does he treat everyone like this or just you? Has he made any advances towards you or has he talked intimately to you? Does he talk about personal things or maybe crossing the boss employee relationship boundary? And finally, what would you like to do if he is interested in you... and if he is not interested in you...
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
I think he only treats me this way. It's noticeable enough that other employees have told me that they think he has a crush on me. I guess he finds me humorous, because he laughs at every joke I make and then usually says something about how great I am or how much he loves working with me.

The other thing that makes me curious is the fact that I don't think he has the same standards for me as he does for everyone else. I have been looking for a new job, and when I told him about it ( I didn't want to blindside him) he took me outside for a walk and told me point-blank that he couldn't lose me from the office and that he really didn't care about my ability to bring a profit. I say this because I know for a fact that he fired another employee who was bringing in more money than I am simply because they were not fully invested in the job.

He is never inappropriate with me- he never talks about things that are sexual, nor does he talk about his personal life in much detail except for in unguarded moments when we're talking alone. I think he tries very hard to maintain the image of complete propriety, however I can't help but feel this "thing" between us; it's almost as though I can see it in his eyes.

As for how he treats me when others are around, he acts rather silly. He throws things at me from across the room, checks over my shoulder when I'm working on homework and tries to help me with it if he can (I'm a med student in my real life), and yes- I think he purposefully remembers tiny details of past conversations or texts and brings them up randomly. Then there is the matter of personal space- he is always close enough to me that I can feel his body heat.

I would love to pursue a relationship with him- in a lot of ways I feel like he is the first person I've met in so many years that really takes time to know me personally. We communicate honestly, and I don't feel like there is anything I couldn't tell him (not that I would grant him full disclosure at this point). I know the whole workplace scenario is a major issue, and maybe that is why I am questioning this situation so much. I am, however, looking to move on professionally as soon as possible. In either case, I guess it doesn't matter whether he is interested or not, because the end result is that I move on regardless of whether it's with him or without him.

Sorry to be so long winded!
Expert:  Dr.G. replied 6 years ago.
Ok I think I know what is going on. My biggest concern at this point is the boss-employee relationship if you take it to the next level with him. There could be conflicts that are unforeseeable. It is pretty clear that both of you are interested in each other. I say tell him how you feel and ask where he stands. It would probably be best if you did so after you ended the business relationship. Sounds like you guys are really hitting it off and the coworkers can see this too. I guess I would keep it professional until you move on in your work and then I would approach him and talk about if he has the same feelings you have for him. You would probably need to make the first move though. Good luck!!!
Dr.G., Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1467
Experience: Licensed Psychologist in the state of Minnesota
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