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Dr Rossi
Dr Rossi, Licensed Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 4627
Experience:  Certified Hypnotherapist, Author, 13+years of experience.
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I m a 29 year old woman who is in an emotional internet (not

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I m a 29 year old woman who is in an emotional internet (not sexual) affair with one of her close friends husband. I never expected this to happen. it started very innocently through face book just joking and exchanging songs but one thing lead to another and we confessed our feelings to each other. We both tried to end it but it seems we are not ready. I see him at our childrens swimming class (our 5 yrr old daughters are also best friends at school) also and we have a chance to talk (casual talk.,.,never really about our relationship). We agreed to meet for coffee on wednesday at starbucks (our spouses dont have any idea). I think we both dont know where this is going but i started feeling guilty. I love my family and husband...i would never leave them but i am lissing the chills of the beginning stages of a relationship. With this guy i feel like a teenager again...i need to be in love all the time and he is very attractive.,...What shall i do?
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr Rossi replied 4 years ago.

Good Afternoon,

 

Feeling infatuation and loving someone are quire different things. You are mentioning that you want to feel like a teenager again and to feel in love all of the time. Those are both unrealistic and nothing last forever. What you feel now is the high of this possibility of a relationship and the residue of the infatuation. It is that which you are attracted to.

Unfortunately, any new feeling even that of the feeling of being in love wears off. What happens when people feel this way is also as a result of rise in feel good chemicals in the brain and hormones. Naturally people want to feel good and feel good more often than not.

Perhaps you may want to re examine this motivation in your most current situation and thing of the long term effects that this may have not only on you but those around you such as your friend and her family and your husband and the children.

Customer: replied 4 years ago.
I know all these (i am a therapist myself do you even believe that? and a quite succsesfull one. But I really dont want to miss this...its mixed feelings....my god i am so confused but i really like to spend time with this guy even if i never go to bed with him (which i wont because i know it will be catastrophic)
Expert:  Dr Rossi replied 4 years ago.

Your feelings are in response to your thoughts and associations with them. Any person even therapists at times find themselves in a corner. That is human and natural.

You may be seeking something from him that you find lacking at the present time in your life whether it is attention, the novelty of a feeling and a situation, affection etc. As you sort those things out, you would arrive at a decision whatever that decision is.

Dr Rossi, Licensed Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 4627
Experience: Certified Hypnotherapist, Author, 13+years of experience.
Dr Rossi and 2 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
i know its human because i ve done my own personal development i have accepted and forgave many things of my human nature. But i really dont know what to do now...i am meeting him on wed for coffee (in the presence of others of course) ...its so innocent and beautiful...i dont want to end it. This is my last question and i will accept please answer.
Expert:  Dr Rossi replied 4 years ago.

There is nothing wrong in having coffee with someone you know.

It is possible that you may have discovered mutual interests and that in turn is intelectually stimulating to you.

There is no need to be anxious about this now. It will only make you more confused and uptight. Just see where he stands with you, sleep on the question after the meeting. There is no need to make any major decision right away.

Customer: replied 4 years ago.
its just that it will be in secret ...i mean our mates wont know..
Expert:  Dr Rossi replied 4 years ago.
If you do not believe that they will mind if they are to find out (and you do have a right to your privacy) then it is nothing sinful about having a drink at Starbucks.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
the problem is he warned he might really fall and joked about getting marrid at las vegas...or having real problem when having to leave his house
Expert:  Dr Rossi replied 4 years ago.
It takes two to tango though. That is why you meet and straighten things out. If anything is to come out of it, then both parties would have been in agreement. Right now you are stressing yourself out thinking of possible outcomes that may not even take place.
Dr Rossi, Licensed Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 4627
Experience: Certified Hypnotherapist, Author, 13+years of experience.
Dr Rossi and 2 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
thank u but what if he wants to carry on and things get worse
Expert:  Dr Rossi replied 4 years ago.
You would have to decide what you want to do about this. Perhaps think of the possibility that even if there is some amorous connection (it may be short lived)and that what you may end up is a broken heart and family. Just try to imagine what things would look like let's say in 6 months and then a year from today. Afterall, you are in control of your own reactions.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Dear Dr Rossi,

Wednesday has not arrived yet (day we arranged to go for coffee) and I am already feeling so guilty for the situation more about my friend (his wife) than about my husband if you believe so. I feel like a failure as a friend, like a bad person that I have betrayed my morals and ethics. Very unpleasant feelings to think that all I ve be doing with her husband was simply keeping an internet and sms contact and confessing our feelings to each other. We haven't even touched each other and this is all I want from him. Just to be there. I m not yet ready to end it either...
Expert:  Dr Rossi replied 4 years ago.

Guilt is a dreadful feeling. You may want to explore the reason behind the feelings the two of you believe that you have.

Sometimes when people get comfortable in their relationship they get complacent and believe that with someone else things will be better. Of course, in all relationships all feelings change, mature and the feeling in love does not last forever.

Losing a friend to try and see where this new opportunity leads may not be healthy. Sometimes it is wiser to listen to logic than feelings.

Dr Rossi, Licensed Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 4627
Experience: Certified Hypnotherapist, Author, 13+years of experience.
Dr Rossi and 2 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Would it be so wrong if i have a secret communication with her husband like a platonic one...nothing physical involved more like friendship? I mean am not ready to end this communication yet but i do know that guilt would never allow me to go any further than that and i do know my boundaries. I even told him before to let his wife know that we will be friends so we could meet for coffee without it being a secret but he insists that she is very jelous person and that i don't know her that well (he meant that jelous side of her) and that she wouldn't understand our friendship.Anyway i would never do anything to hurt anyone.

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