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Dr Rossi
Dr Rossi, Licensed Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 4627
Experience:  Certified Hypnotherapist, Author, 13+years of experience.
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My wife says I have a sarcastic way of talking and acting

Resolved Question:

My wife says I have a sarcastic "way" of talking and acting and this is what bothers her most, but she can't seem to pinpoint to explain. I want to fix things but I'm not even sure what she's talking about. We've had this same argument for years, but I know we're both tired of nothing changing.
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr Rossi replied 4 years ago.

Good Afternoon,

 

The best thing to do is to try and get her to point out the times when you tend to be sarcastic (at the moment of its occurrence) If she is having hard time giving you examples this may be most helpful to both of you.

It may be possible that she is misreading some of your statements. Men are usually more direct and up to the point when conversing while women tend to interject more of emotionality when describing something. There had always been differences in how men and women relate and process information.

You cannot try to correct something in your behavior if you do not know what exactly that thing is. If willing, have her perhaps use a small tape recorder and then play back some of the examples for you.

Have her give you examples in her own language of how she thinks something should have been verbalized.

 

Customer: replied 4 years ago.
I guess I should have specified- we are a lesbian couple, been together for 13 years. I have suggested she point out specific instances at the time when it occurs, but this idea seems to infuriate her more. I think sarcastic is not the right word for what bothers her, but it is the word she chooses. I *think* what bothers her is that I am very, well, specific or precise about details, and if I comment on something that she generalizes asking her to be more specific, she takes it as a personal insult, as if I am pointing out or stressing mistakes.
Expert:  Dr Rossi replied 4 years ago.

Thank you for clarification. The problem of miscommunication appears in all relationships. There can be character differences (like you've specified that she is more general about things while you are more detailed) What would be of importance is to find out why this is bothersome to her. It is possible that she is upset about something else and instead of talking about that, is focusing on something else less significant.

Try to think about when her criticism started (unless it had been something evident from the start of the relationship) The issue may be that she is frustrated with herself but then is projecting her own shortcomings onto you as a way of self defense.

 

Dr Rossi, Licensed Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 4627
Experience: Certified Hypnotherapist, Author, 13+years of experience.
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