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Dr Rossi
Dr Rossi, Licensed Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 4627
Experience:  Certified Hypnotherapist, Author, 13+years of experience.
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I have a question. My boss chose someone in a position over

Customer Question

I have a question. My boss chose someone in a position over me. I asked to speak with her about the reason she did not chose me for the position so I can be better prepared next time, but she never would give me a time. She was avoiding me. Also I should say we liked each other. I finally got tired of the rollercoaster and told her I did care and like you but I don’t anymore, because the way she handled the situation. Me not getting the job was not the problem, her acting strangely was. I just told her I was done.
My boss got so angry and called me a child and question my work ethic. I of course defended myself and turned her words around. Well yesterday at a meeting I only paid attention to the speaker, I did not look her way. I was professional. All of sudden she jumped up and started screaming about it is disrespectful , insubordinate and unprofessional to not follow protocol among the counselors.” She yelled so loud the speaker was nervous. Everyone was trying to figure out who was she referring to. I kept my back to her and focused on the speaker and my boss started yelling even louder. What is her problem? Was it because I was ignoring her that made her act this way?
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr Rossi replied 4 years ago.

Good Morning,

 

The reason for her acting out may be many. You are right to suspect that one of the reason may be for what words were exchanged prior to that (rather than ignoring her during a presentation by another speaker)

However, her behavior does not seem professional and it may be considered hostile working environment. It would be suggested that you speak about this to someone in your HR department especially when this scene was witnessed by others.

If she had had something to say to you it should have taken place privately and in a composed manner.

Don't try to personalize this situation. People (even supervisors are human and prone to errors) Nevertheless, she had not acted professionally and you could seek some resolution now with the personnel staff.

Dr Rossi, Licensed Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 4627
Experience: Certified Hypnotherapist, Author, 13+years of experience.
Dr Rossi and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
I concur. Do you know what other reasons could a person who is so vocal around others won't talk to me on-on-one?I wanted to talk things out , but is hard to do when someone is refusing to comply. I am sensitive to her because she was my high schoolprincipal that spans 20 years of us knowing each other.
Expert:  Dr Rossi replied 4 years ago.

Poor impulse control, trying to exercise one's authority, or trying to prove a point to you (although very unprofessional way on her part) possible displaying her frustration about something else she's dealing with and you were the easy target. Anything may be a cause as people are complex beings.

Perhaps try to talk to her when she appears calmer and more approachable. Ask to meet privately.

Customer: replied 4 years ago.
I believe you are correct, since now that I am ignoring her trying to stay out of trouble she seems to get perturbed and stare at me. It is strange. She always stares at me without looking away. Why do you think she stares at me?
Expert:  Dr Rossi replied 4 years ago.
Staring can be a way of intimidation/dominance (is is also very common in animals not just people)
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

All the workers are afraid of her even my boss but with me she refuses to meet me one on one and she never yells at me to my face as she does with everyone else in the district. I don't like her . I know you do not have to like a person to work with them but at least you should be able to offer some respect for them. The sad part was I actually liked her maybe because I thought she was someone else.

 

My question to you is why won't she yell at me instead of talking about things to me in a meeting and through it off on counselors and not me who is a career specialist?

Expert:  Dr Rossi replied 4 years ago.
I believe I had touched on possible causes. Reasons can be various and unless you confront her in person speculations won't do you justice. She herself may not be aware of the triggers behind her actions.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Now my boss finally called a meeting aftger avoiding me for so long only because her boss the superintendent told her to talk to me. I had my union rep there and the superintendent asked that the Hr Director sit in to take notes. My boss fibbed about having an e-mail that verified this guy is doing a job because he is not. I think she fibbed since she would not give us a copy or allow us to read the e-mail, That is weird. I got so frustrated and had a tone , not yelling, but still disrespectful tone.. My boss looked at me with a frighten look and backed off. I feel better that I said how I felt as the meeting was to understand issues I had. In confodence with me and my Rep the HR person and my rep talked to me about never having a tone as it is disrespectful. I know that and I am usually uiet but for some reason after not having been able to talkt o my boss because of her aavoiding me everyhthing came out in a tone. I showed I was upset. I am not proud of my behavior and am embarrased. I always keep my composure. Why do you think my boss gave me that confused frighten look? Is that why she did not want to talk to me alone?
Expert:  Dr Rossi replied 4 years ago.
Sometimes it is possible to be assertive and yet not aggressive. It also depends on how the others interpret it as well. It is possible she felt surprised that you spoke up and also that you may have seen upset. Sometimes supervisors meet with the employee with another person present for mediation or for an objective view not necessarily because of other personal issues. That is not unusual.

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