Thanks for your help a few years ago. I just wanted to give you a follow up if you were curious. My wife and I are still together and have a strong relationship now.
The main issue was the medication she had been put on by a doctor for a female organ/hormone problem. I don't have much good to say about effexor.
The next step was realizing how I was adding to her already fragile state. Turns out that it was very simple little ways that I responded to her and missed when she needed support.
Thanks again for your help.