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Dr. Keane
Dr. Keane, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1764
Experience:  PHD LPC
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Ive known a man for about 9 months now. I believe he is the

Customer Question

I've known a man for about 9 months now. I believe he is "the one" but he doesn't feel the same about me. He started stringing me along for sex and lately has become disrespectful and makes insults towards me. We are highly compatible in every way but he treats me so badly. I am getting older and I'm very worried that I'll have to settle for someone I'm less attracted to or compatible with. How can I get this man out of my mind and move on? I think about him and our relationship constantly.
Submitted: 7 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr. Keane replied 7 years ago.

It's really difficult when you base your decision on being worried that your will have to settle. You don't have to settle, and you also don't have to be with a person who is using you and that is what this man is doing. You say you are compatible but he treats you badly? That should be your first reason to get away from him and end the relationship. How do you do this? YOU tell yourself you deserve to be treated better and then every time you start to fantasize about how well you get along and how you want him in your life, think about how he insults you and uses you for sex. It's abusive, he might as well be beating you so at least the physical injuries would show. Every time he either disrespects you or insults you, take a magic marker (one that washes off) and put a mark on your arm, your leg, your face, your body anywhere and look at yourself in the mirror. What you see is abuse, maybe not a real bruise or cut but an emotional one. It's all the same. So when you start thinking about him, tell yourself to stop....put on music, think of something else (it helps to have one thing you can always focus on, a place your love to visit, a scene in a movie, pray if you are religious), anything but him. It takes practice but you need to train yourself to understand that he is an abusive person who is using you....let that be your mantra....he is an abuser and no one deserves this kind of treatment. Yes, it will be hard in the beginning but you will gain self respect and be able to find a kind person who deserves you once you are able to move on from this situation.

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