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Dr. Keane
Dr. Keane, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1764
Experience:  PHD LPC
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my gfriend of 4 years broke up with me 2months ago. we have

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my gfriend of 4 years broke up with me 2months ago. we have 2 kids together. i cheated on her and she got tired of it.the result made me realize hoe much i want to b with her. no matter how bad i was she never left me.she was in a sense crazy over me. sometimes obsessed. nevertheless about a week after the breakup she began seeing an old friend from high school who is supposedly going through a divorce. i dont know the details.and no she wasnt already talking to him. i want her back but she says she no longer loves me and is in love with him. how can she fall outta love and in love within 2 months! i dont believe it. its just not possible. unless she never loved me. wich i dont believe either. what do i do without pushing her away? i was hurt but i told her if thats wut she wants then i respect it. i knew she left me but i thought it was for time apart. i didnt think she would do something like this. its outta character 4 her. i love her so much. please help.
Submitted: 7 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr. Keane replied 7 years ago.
Hi and welcome

Sorry you have to go through all this heartache. When you cheat on someone repeatedly it breaks down the foundation of the relationship....Trust. Once that is broken it takes a lot of work to rebuild. If you want her back I would suggest that you tell her okay, give her space and time to find out if she is really in love and you go to therapy to understand the reasons you felt you couldn't be faithful while you were together. Tell her that if she would like to try again with you, and you should if you have two children involved here, then you will respect her decision and will be willing to go to counseling with her if she changes her mind. I know it hurts, however she was hurt by your cheating and begging won't bring her back while she has another man paying attention to her.
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Customer: replied 7 years ago.
the thing is i ask hr if she wants to work it out and she said no. because she doesnt believe that i love her. but i do. i made a terrible mistake.what do i do to show her that i love her and i am sincere about this. i havent talked to her in 3 days since she said she was in love with another.i chose to do that because she has no interst in taling to me rite now. its outta respect 4 her.
Expert:  Dr. Keane replied 7 years ago.
Hi, you show her you love her by your actions. You have a right to see the children, ask her when would she like you to visit them. Ask her if she would like you to do anything for them. Right now she is very hurt and as I said someone is showing her attention and love, she is feeling better about herself. I know this is hard but you have to let her work this out herself. Make sure she is supported and you give her money for the kids. If she isn't working make sure there is food in the house. Keep it simple, stay in the background and let her know that you will be there for her. Tell her you are going to go to therapy (you can call your local mental health association) and get some help and learn how to be trusted. Mean it, and do it. I am sure she doesn't believe that you love her because your actions didn't show her you did! Now you have to start from scratch and build. If you are sincere maybe she will say okay, let's try again, but in all honesty she may be done and if that's the case there isn't much you can do. So think positive, hang in there and do the right thing from now on.
Hope this helps.
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