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Dr Rossi
Dr Rossi, Licensed Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 4627
Experience:  Certified Hypnotherapist, Author, 13+years of experience.
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I have been in a relationship with a woman 27 years my senior

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I have been in a relationship with a woman 27 years my senior for 2 years now, I am 22 and she is nearly 50...I feel like shes left the relationship emotionally - although its not really a relationship because she says it cant go anywhere (which I sort of agree with - such a big age gap) and none of her friends have ever known about us - albeit they have had their suspicions. She kind of emotionally walked out on her 15 year long distance relationship after she met me - although she remains friends with her ex - I find it difficult to keep my cool when she travels to the otherside of the world and spends two weeks alone with her (the ex lives in Asia - we r in Glasgow) I feel like I do not have a right to be jealous though? So i generally just annoy myself in my own head - i never say anything to her. I feel like I'm clinging on to this with all my might - scared to let go. I'm at my wits end - i just don't know where I'm supposed to go from here?
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr Rossi replied 4 years ago.

Good Afternoon,

 

Where you would want to go from here in the relationship will also depend on her. It seems that you believe that she is not committed in the way you would like her to be. If you do not believe that due to the age difference, her ex boyfriend and the fact that her friends do not know about the two of you (for the last 2 years), all of these are red flags to an objective observer.

It is not unusual to feel jealous even if she is keeping a long distance amorous connection with someone if that bothers you, she ought to respect you.

The two of you will need to sit down and figure out what each of you want out of this relationship. Couple's therapy also helps if that is something you want to look into it with her.

Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Theres kind of more to it - she was my therapist before we were together, thats why she cant tell her friends. I know it looks predatory, but it wasnt. She didnt take advantage of me. I think ive depended on her so long that I now just want to be a normal 22 year old girl who has a normal relationship, maybe with another girl my age where there are no secrets, lies or jealousy. But I cant let go of this woman, I try to imagine being with other people but I cant. How do I get past this and move on? Can we be friends when this is over or do we go our seperate ways completely?
Expert:  Dr Rossi replied 4 years ago.

The two of you will have to talk about what kind of a relationship you may want to keep if you are not together as a couple. That would have to be a mutual understanding.

It is possible that you have become used to and attached to her. It is possible to be with someone else since nothing in life is a definite and things and people change.

As far as her being a therapist, if you were of legal age at the time of the start of the relationship it is still odd to not tell others about the two of you.

Dr Rossi, Licensed Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 4627
Experience: Certified Hypnotherapist, Author, 13+years of experience.
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