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Dr. Keane
Dr. Keane, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1760
Experience:  PHD LPC
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My Boyfriend and I live 170 miles apart. I stayed most of the

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My Boyfriend and I live 170 miles apart. I stayed most of the summer with him and when it came time for me togo home... He called me all the time.For about a month everything was going better than ever. He would call just to say hi and leave me cute notes sayng how much he was thinking about about me and that he loved me. When everythng was so wonderful, found out that was pregnant and he was a jerk for a week. Then everythng was back to normal. Calling to say hi Leaving messages.Then i had my ultrasound and found out i am having twins. now I hardly hear from him and when we are on the computer at the same time, he doesnt write me....Or appears offline. What did do? What can i do to get it back the way it was?
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr. Keane replied 6 years ago.

Having a relationship long distance is difficult in itself, being pregnant makes it more difficult and twins, may have scared him off completely. If you never spoke about how you would handle the relationship after you left, when you would see each other, where the relationship was going etc. then how much committment could there be? There are big responsibilities for him in regards XXXXX XXXXX two children which neither of you were expecting to have. What do you want? If he is ignoring you he is saying that he is not ready to be an involved father or that he doesn't have the same feelings he had when you were there. That's the difficulty in long distance romances, they are very hard to maintain. I know you don't want to hear this but it will never get back to being what it was, it can't. First because you are now pregnant and soon to have two children in the picture. How could it ever be the same? He is pulling away. Short of you moving near to him so that he sees you (that still may not make him want to be with you) you need to start talking to him about supporting the babies when they arrive and helping with any financial obligations while you are pregnant. I wish I could tell you different but the signals he is giving you aren't positive at all. I hope you have support of family and friends where you are living since you will need some help.
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Edited by Dr. Keane on 10/26/2009 at 3:25 PM EST
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Well... without hesitation he offered me to live with him andso far still thinks I am going to live with him. This was before the news about the twins. I told him i wasnt going to live there if he didn't want me there. He wrote me saying he wanted to be with me and wanted to have a family with me and was willing to work out anything to be a family.He has an 8 year old that I payed his lawyer so now he has custody. Should I ask him if he changed his mind?
Expert:  Dr. Keane replied 6 years ago.
I would ask him how he feels now that there are two babies on the way not did he change his mind, it's just a less aggressive way to find out if he has or not..... If he said he wants to work things out and is willing to do so then maybe it's just the shock of two babies that he is feeling. BUT ask him what are the plans for you moving now. AND is this what you want? You paid his lawyer so he can have custody of his daughter ? So the family is going to grow quickly, that may be a lot for him to handle, but if are both happy with each other and want to be together then go for it. But there is something going on in his head since he hasn't contacted you regularly. Once you ask you'll know.
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