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Rosemary S.
Rosemary S., Human-Svs/Counseling
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6
Experience:  Masters in Human-Svs- Counseling.
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two married couples unhappy, why would one ask the other, when

Resolved Question:

two married couples unhappy, why would one ask the other, when was the last time they had sex?
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Rosemary S. replied 4 years ago.

10-20-09

 

 

Hi:

 

At times, it is difficult to understand why someone would ask such a question. There does not appear to be 'one reason' why someone would make such a personal inquiry.

 

My own opinion, is perhaps this person feels that something is lacking in his, and/or her's, own relationship, and is attempting to 'make an assessment,' by comparison

of another couple's situation.

 

In my opinion, in a situation like this one, it is always more productive to seek the help of professionals, such as an in-person 'physician,' and/or a 'mental health professional,' than to start posing such a question to another couple.

 

Asking such a question can make people feel embarrassed, and/or place a strain on the friendship, between the two couples. It can also be a source of 'misinformation,' if a person seeks information from a non-professional.

 

In my opinion, as stated above, if anyone feels the relationship they are currently in is not going well, they should immediately seek the help of professionals.

 

A good place to start is for someone to contact his, and/or her's, 'primary care physician.' Also, maybe a 'referral service,' at a nearby hospital. Perhaps the 'physician' or 'referral service' would be able to recommend a competent 'mental health professional,' and/or physician, depending what the situation may be.

 

If financial affordability is an issue, it is always important for people to mention this when seeking recommendations. This way, maybe they will be able to find competent 'in-person professionals,' who would charge more reasonable fees.

 

Also, perhaps the 'referral service,' and/or the 'physician,' would be able to recommend 'not-for-profit counseling, and/or medical/heath care centers,' where people could receive some quality 'in-person' medical, and/or counseling, at more affordable fees.

 

Some centers provide an array of services with more reasonable fees, if any at all. This can include, individual, and group counseling, as well as other services. Also, this may include a variety of 'support groups,' as well as various 'medical services.' (*Every center is different, and the services, and fees, may vary.)

 

In my opinion, as stated above, it is always better for anyone who may find themselves in this type of situation to seek the help of professionals, rather than attempt to 'make comparisons' with another couple. This can damage a friendship, and/or, provide someone with incorrect information. Every relationship is unique, and/or different. Therefore, people should not attempt to assess their 'own relationship' by comparing themselves to another couple's situation.

 

In general, as a society, we all have a tendency to start 'making comparisons' to other people in regard to the circumstances in our own life. This same question, could also apply to many different topics, whether it may be about income and finances, child rearing, or the above stated subject.

 

As stated above, it really serves no constructive purpose when people attempt to assess their own situation which may be too complex for them to handle alone, by comparing their situation, regardless of the subject, to other peoples situations.

 

Thank you, XXXXX XXXXX brought up a very valid topic, that appears to occur often in our society, regardless of the subject.

 

I hope the above stated comments have been helpful.

 

Good luck!, and best wishes.

Rosemary S.

 

 

 

Legal Disclaimer: The information provided above, is general information only and is not intended to serve as a long, or short term, professional relationship. By providing the above information, I am not engaging in a 'relationship designee - client relationship' with you. The above information is only intended to provide general information. The fee that you may pay me, is for general information only. No part of this disclaimer can be reproduced, or copied, without the express consent of Rosemary S., the owner.

 

Customer: replied 4 years ago.

I am married and he is married both not happy in our marriages...I asked him when was the last time he had sex then he ask me the same. He then asked me why did I want to know...I had no real reason ...he said that there has to be a reason for me to ask. I guess I am trying to understand why did I ask him that?

 

Also need to know that I was engaged to him 30 years ago. We broke up for stupid reasons...8 years ago he came to me and ask me if I was sure if I wanted to stay where I was. then I had 3 little kids...I said yes...he said that he was moving on. I seen him on Facebook in Aug. sent a message and have been talking every since. I seen him 2x just to talk nothing more....but we so do want to be together for life.

 

My question ...Why would have I ask that question of when was the last time he had sex?

Expert:  Rosemary S. replied 4 years ago.

10-21-09

 

 

Hi:

 

I appreciate your reply, as well as your candor.

 

It appears that perhaps you asked your 'former fiance' this particular question because you were hoping to find some 'type of an indication' as to what his 'true marital situation may be.'

 

It also appears that perhaps you are currently in a situation which has become too complex, and/or confusing, for you to handle alone without the proper professional help.

 

Please re-review the information I provided regarding seeking a referral for some in-person professional counseling. Both you, and perhaps your spouse, may find it to be helpful, as it appears that you are currently in an unhappy relationship at this time.

 

It appears that you and this other man have a history together from a long time ago.

 

At times, when people are currently in an unhappy relationship, they suddenly hear, or happen to see an 'ex-significant other,' which brings back a flood of memories. In many cases, a 'former fiance,' can sometimes bring a person back to 'a special time' when life was happier and less complicated. You are not alone in this regard.

 

I would also suggest that you do not make any decisions in regard to this matter, until you have sought the professional help suggested.

 

It appears at this time you may be experiencing an 'array of emotions' which need to be 'worked through,' with the proper mental health professional, in-person.

 

It is okay to ask for professional help, especially if a situation is too complicated to

handle on your own, as this particular matter seems to be.

 

Good luck!, and best wishes.

Rosemary S.

 

 

Legal Disclaimer: The information provided above, is general information only and is not intended to serve as a long, or short term, professional relationship. By providing the above information, I am not engaging in a 'relationship designee - client relationship' with you. The above information is only intended to provide general information. The fee that you may pay me, is for general information only. No part of this disclaimer can be reproduced, or copied, without the express consent of Rosemary S., the owner.

 

 

 

Rosemary S., Human-Svs/Counseling
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6
Experience: Masters in Human-Svs- Counseling.
Rosemary S. and 2 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you

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