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Anna
Anna, Social Worker
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1945
Experience:  29 years experience in addictions & mental health. I'll tell you my honest opinion.
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Ive been in the almost perfect relationship for almost a year;I

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I've been in the almost perfect relationship for almost a year;I was just getting through a divorce and I've met a guy, who was what I wanted and needed. We went along perfect; he is the love of my life and he said the same for me.Actually I never imagined I will ever feel that way for one person. However, everything changed since he returned from vacation (we spent a week together and he stayed 2 more with his family). As we are colleagues, I have noticed some "ignorant" behaviour towards me and he paying quite some attention to the other colleague. He claims they are just friends. However, as from this moment, everything is going down; he said he is having a lot of problems(and I'm aware of all of them), and he wants to be alone. I understand he needs some time to solve his problems his own way, however, I got a feeling he it trying to push me away. He would even understand if I want to get out of this relationship, he however cannot do it, as he loves me too much, so he says. Thanks
Submitted: 7 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Anna replied 7 years ago.

HiCustomer

Honestly, I hear him ending his relationship with you and trying to do it gently. Many people who end relationships are able to feel the love still - and thats one of the reasons they get so unclear in their communication. They feel both sides of the sword sharply.

Whether he is now looking to be involved with this other colleague or not, he's not looking to you to work through them together, he's telling you that they are a reason he will be leaving you.

I'm sorry to tell you my opinion if it hurts you. It is only my opinion, but as a counselor, I've heard this same story for over 35 years and have rarely seen it turn around and stay that way. Everyone wants to be the exception, but not everyone can.

Listen to what he is saying to you and listen to his behavior. Believe what you see.

Take care of yourself and enjoy the memories of the good times and all the help he gave you coming out of your divorce. You can still having loving feelings for him, but I see his hand on the door and his attention to the outside world.

Anna

Customer: replied 7 years ago.
Dear XXXXX,
thank you for your answer; I have to admit it does hurt as I was really willing to wait so he clears his mind.
I have however additional question- you said I should listen to what he is saying and to his behavior - he is still saying that he loves me and that he thinks about me all the time; he apologized for his ignorant behavior and for the last days he is behaving "normal, the usuall way". He is also not unclear in the communication, he explained everything what's wrong, all the problems.
I don't want to jump to the conclusions and just end the relationship and later aske myself "what if...". Do you still think it's not worthed? I'm happy with your first answer, though, and after that I will just accept it. Thank you.
Expert:  Anna replied 7 years ago.
HeyCustomer

What I mean with 'listen to his words and his behavior', is that you shouldn't just look at one of them...look to see if they match up. If they don't, it's a problem. "I love you" means something different to every single person.

He explained his problems, but did he explain to your satisfaction why he wants time away? Obstacles can bring people together, but not usually when they have to seeparate to deal with them. Usually people can comprimise on this.

In your situation, I'd give it a time limit, like 2-3 months. If it isn't completely resolved, move on. If at any time you see him move towards another woman, end it right then and there. You don't deserve to be home base for a field test.

Anna
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