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Dr. Keane
Dr. Keane, Counselor
Category: Relationship
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Experience:  PHD LPC
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why is he acting like this for I MET THIS GUY IN LAS, VEGAS,

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why is he acting like this for? I MET THIS GUY IN LAS, VEGAS, NV SEVERAL YEARS AGO. HE WANTED ME TO STAY WITH HIM, BUT HE DOES NOT WANT TO TAKE CARE OF ME. HE WANTS A GIRLFRIEND, BUT "WANTS TO SPLIT THE BILLS. HE CONSIDERS HIMSELF "UGLY" AND THINKS ONLY HIS DAUGHTER IS GOING TO LOVE HIM. HE DOES NOT WANT TO SHARE HIS MONEY, MAINLY TO HIS DAUGHTER IN THE RELATIOSHIP. I WOULD LIKE A PSYCHOLOGY THEORY ON HIS BEHAVIOR. " I LEFT AFTER 2 NOTHS AND A HALF."
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Anna replied 5 years ago.

HeCustomer

He was immature and selfish. You wouldn't believe how many women will take that kind of treatment and think they're lucky - it's horrible. He was caught up in himself, and there wasn't room for you.

Mature adult men who are capable of intimate relationships handle them very differently. Now that you've left him, you can be open to finding someone who will treat you like a partner.

Thanks for this chance to help you out tonight. If you would, please fill out the short feedback form after accepting - it really helps me out.

Anna
Customer: replied 5 years ago.

what makes him immature at that time he was 42 i was 32. ?his mother died in 1999 in el salvador. COULD YOU BE MORE SPECIFIC WHY HE IS IMMATURE?

Expert:  Anna replied 5 years ago.

I'm sorry, I really don't know enough about him to give you a more specific answer. There could be a zillion reasons why, but they don't really matter. What matters is that he's gotten away with it for so long, and will continue to do so. Maybe he was never made to grow up, maybe he just didn't have it in him - those are the two most common reasons.

Anna
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
HE WAS MARRIED BEFORE, BUT AFTER THE SEPARATION, HE THOUGH HE WAS UGLY, NOW WHAT? IT IS NOT MY FAULT.
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
bring the psychylogist for a better answer
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
what do you mean for so long he got away with the thing? i onlyn live with him for 2 months and a halfs.
Customer: replied 5 years ago.

I WANTED PSYCHOLOGIST TO ANSWER THE QUESTION. "PSYCHOLOGY EXPERT"

I NEED AN ANSWER BASED ON "WISDOM"' NOT AN OPINION. TO UNDERSTAND THE PROBLEM BETTER.

Expert:  Dr. Keane replied 5 years ago.
Hi Gina

It's obvious that this guy has issues that need intervention. His self-esteem is low (he thinks he's ugly), no one can love him except his daughter (he may be depressed). His selfishess is allowing him to reward himself by giving him "feelings" of being in control. Since I do not know his history or why his relationship or marriage to his daughter's mother ended, I would be "guessing" as to what happened there BUT it was probably one of two basic problems. It may have ended it because of his personality and control issues (yes, he has them) or it could have ended because she left for another, more stable and attractive relationship (and if she didn't leave for him, she met him) hence, the ugly reference.
BotXXXXX XXXXXne is this, he has low self-esteem, he needs control, and the reference to his daughter being the only one who is going to love him is a statement that to me signals depression....what he really needs is a good therapist.
Smartest thing you did was leave.
Hope this helps.
Please click ACCEPT and leave FEEDBACK when you are satisifed.
Dr. Keane, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1708
Experience: PHD LPC
Dr. Keane and 2 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 5 years ago.

IS HE IMMATURE IF "YES" WHY? HIS MOTHER DIED IN EL SALVADOR IN 1999.

WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN WHEN THE NEXT WOMEN FINDS OUT ABOUT THE "CONTROL ISSUE" WHEN HE DOES NOT GET HIS "WAY"

Expert:  Dr. Keane replied 5 years ago.
Hi,

I am not sure immature is the right word, but it does describe some of his behaviors...he may be developmentally impaired, that is, he never had to act like a mature person or no one every corrected his behavior. Without knowing him and from your description I would say that immature is probably the impression most people understand. It may have been the reason for his marriage to fail....believe it's called Peter Pan syndrome...he won't grow up but I believe it's more than that for him.....he "wants" a lot and possibly no one every called him on it and it grew...more selfish than immature and as I say above, it gives him control over something.
Customer: replied 5 years ago.

BUT HOW CAN "CONTROL BUILD HIS SELF ESTEEM,? COME ON THAT NEVER CHANGED ANYBODY'S "(LOOKS)

WHAT IS THE PSYCHOLOGY "THEORY" FOR SOMEONE WANT TO CONTROL ANOTHER PERSON?

WHY DOES HE WANT TO CONTROL A PERSON IN THE RELATIONSHIP?

WHY DOES HE WANT A FREE GIRL FRIEND IN THE RELATIONSHIP "WITHOUT PAYING HARDLY ANYTHING?

Expert:  Dr. Keane replied 5 years ago.
Self esteem is not about looks, it's about accepting yourself for who you are inside, emotional and so on...control makes a person feel powerful and having control over others makes him feel the same way. He doesn't want to take on financial responsibility for another person and if he finds a woman who is okay with that then boy is he lucky.
This guy has a lot of unresolved issues and you did the right thing by leaving. You will not be able to fully understand all you feel you need to know.
You got involved with someone who isn't stable or from your description very kind. I am glad you got out when you did, smart woman to do so.
As to a particular psychology theory, control helps a person change his world to fit his needs if he can. That is why men who have control issues choose women who they feel they can control enough to fit into his "compartment". You didn't fit and he may have thought you would..trial and error..he will find a woman who is needy enough or vulnerable enough to live according to his "rules" be controlled etc...he wants compliance and he may find it.
If you are still having a hard time understanding this (you don't necessarily have to understand every aspect of his personality) I would suggest counseling.
Customer: replied 5 years ago.

IN YOUR OPINION WHY DO YOU THINK HE DOES " NOT WANT FINANCIAL RESPONSIBILITY? " HE CANNOT HAVE IT BOTH WAYS. I BELIEVE IT MIGHT BE HIS LOOKS.

Expert:  Dr. Keane replied 5 years ago.
I do not believe it is due to his looks....if he thinks he can away with having it both ways then he's going to try.....In my opinion the guy isn't worth the energy you are spending on wondering why.....he was a good miss for you......now you need to move on.......as I said before , you will never understand all the why's and without having in therapy no one can........
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

IS THAT USING SOMEONE, BECAUSE WHY SHOULD I PAY SOME RENT IF I AM THE GIRLFRIEND? OR IS IT CALL "FINANCIAL ABUSE, IMPROPER TREATMENT OF SOMEONE?

Expert:  Dr. Keane replied 4 years ago.
Hi, You have not asked about this since October and I would hope by now you had moved on, evidently you haven't yet. So this is another question about HIM? To answer it's using you for his financial support. You need to go back and read everything that was written in October. You are nothing to him, not a girlfriend, lover or anything important, you are there, available and willing to be used. Plain and simple.
Please click accept . thanks.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

HOW COME YOU DID NOT SAY THIS GUY IS AN ABUSER FROM THE BEGINING? I NEED TO HAVE "WISDOM" ON THIS ISSUE, SO I WILL NOT REPEAT FUTURE MISTAKES LIKE THIS ONE.i

I DID READ WHAT YOU WROTE, BUT DOES NOT DESCRIBE " THE WORD ABUSER IN THE WRITING. "

Expert:  Dr. Keane replied 4 years ago.
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Customer: replied 4 years ago.
WHAT WISDOM OR OLD SAYING SHOULD I LEARN FROM THIS MISTAKE? WHAT WISDOM DO YOU HAVE IN PSYCHOLOGY ABOUT THIS?
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

HE CANNOT USE "PHYSICAL FORCE TO MAKE ANYBODY STAY IN THE RELATIONSHIP."

IF HE WANTS THE RELATIONSHIP HE'LL HAVE TO GIVE UP SOMETHING. NOTHING IS FREE IN THIS WORLD.

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Dr. Keane
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